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She Chose Her Cats Over Her Boyfriend – And Doesn’t Regret It One Bit

by Sunny Nguyen
July 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Imagine pouring five years into a relationship, late nights together, shared dreams of the future, only to have it all unravel over a furry family feud. That’s the gut-wrenching choice one Redditor, a 23-year-old animal lover, faced when her boyfriend laid down an ultimatum: either her beloved cats move outside, or he wouldn’t live with her.

She stood her ground, choosing her six indoor cats, her “babies”, over cohabitation. The breakup that followed has left her questioning whether she made the right call. Was she wrong to prioritize her pets over her partner, or is this just proof that their paths were never truly aligned?

This cat-tastrophe has Reddit purring with opinions, from applause for her loyalty to gasps at the fallout. It’s a tale of love, boundaries, and the tough choices that can claw at anyone’s heartstrings. Let’s unpack this emotional litter box with expert insights and some spicy Reddit takes.

She Chose Her Cats Over Her Boyfriend - And Doesn’t Regret It One Bit

A Clash of Love and Lifestyle – Below’s the original post:

Aita For Telling My 5 Year Long Term Boyfriend I Choose My Cats Over Him Causing Up To Breakup?

I’m 23 and he’s 25. We’ve been together since my sophmore year of college. We’ve broken up a couple times that was never to long due to us going outside our relationship but we have matured and grew and tried again. It’s been going great.

He moved down to my state to be together and for his new job. I’ve had my cats for a year now. I love animals and got a stray a year ago, she was pregnant with 5 kittens and stayed with all the cats.

I am finically stable to support myself and my animals since I am 23, very good job/hours, and family that supports and helps me. However, my boyfriend is allergic to my animals and HATES them. He tolerates my cats but always complains about the fur, them coming up to him, his allergies. He has allergie medicine but does not want cats.

I let him know I think of my animals as my children since I do not want any of my own. I brought up that I would like to buy a house in the next year or so and would like us to think about living together in a house now. We got into a fight and he stated that he will not live with me with my cats.

That he wants the cats to live outside if I want to live together. I was upset about this because 2 of my cats were shot at (but survived after taking to hospital) for being outside. After that, they are strictly inside cats. So I stated I choose my cats.

My boyfriend then says I’m choosing my cats over him and his own health. I said yes, these are my babies.

He stated he would get his own house down the street from whatever house I get… but I told him that it looks like we are going on separate paths as I want someone to live with and be with in the same roof. We are growing older and want a partner to settle down with, I believe we have broken up...

Am I the a**hole for causing this by saying I choose my cats over my boyfriend of 5 years?

This relationship drama could fill a season of reality TV – just swap the roses for catnip.

The Redditor’s story begins years ago, when she rescued a pregnant stray and helped her deliver five kittens. Over time, those cats became her family, especially after two of them were shot at by neighbors when they briefly escaped outside. The trauma cemented her belief that her cats had to stay indoors for their safety.

Fast forward to today: she’s settled in with her feline crew, content with her child-free, pet-centric life. But her boyfriend of five years never warmed up to the cats. He tolerated them in small doses but admitted he disliked them, and his allergies didn’t help. When they finally planned to move in together, he insisted the cats had to live outdoors or in another space entirely.

She refused.

When Pets Are Family, Not Just Animals

Her stance is more common than some think. Dr. Jesse Matthews, a psychologist specializing in pet attachment, explained in a 2023 PetMD article:

“Pets can fill emotional roles similar to children, especially for people who choose not to have kids. That bond is often non-negotiable.”

For this Redditor, her cats aren’t accessories, they’re her family. A 2022 Journal of Veterinary Behavior study found that 78% of pet owners consider their animals’ safety a top priority, even above romantic relationships. Given her cats’ history with outdoor trauma, her refusal to compromise on their living conditions is rooted in genuine concern, not stubbornness.

His Allergies, and a Lack of Middle Ground

The boyfriend’s side isn’t without merit, either. Pet allergies can be debilitating, leading to chronic sinus problems, breathing issues, and fatigue. Living full-time with six cats is a big ask for anyone sensitive to dander, and medication doesn’t always solve the problem.

In an effort to meet in the middle, he suggested they keep separate apartments nearby. But he also drew a hard line: no cats inside if they were ever to share a home. That’s where things fell apart.

According to a 2021 Couple and Family Psychology study, 64% of breakups stem from value conflicts that can’t be reconciled, like views on children or, in this case, animals. Dr. Matthews notes:

“Incompatible lifestyles often reveal themselves over time, and ultimatums usually signal the end rather than a new beginning.”

A Bigger Question: Whose Needs Come First?

The situation touches on a universal dilemma: how do you balance your partner’s needs with the life you’ve built for yourself?

Some Reddit commenters said she could have explored air purifiers, strict no-cat zones in part of the house, or even allergy shots. Others argued that demanding pets be exiled outdoors, after everything they’d been through, showed a lack of respect for what mattered most to her.

Ultimately, both of them had valid perspectives. But when one person’s non-negotiable meets another’s, there isn’t always a middle ground.

Reddit’s clawing at this drama like a cat on a scratching post

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s reactions came in sharp, candid, and a little chaotic, just like a breakup sparked by fur and feelings:

Merebankguy − Info: where you aware of your exs allergy's when you got the cats?

iEliteTester − Are You The A**hole for telling your 5 year long term boyfriend you choose your cats over him causing up to breakup? No. Are You The A**hole for getting the cats in the first place knowing his allergies? Yes.

NuttyAsSquirrelPoop − Please get your cats fixed.

Reddit chimed in with sharp insights, gentle warnings, and some tough love about choosing cats over commitment:

georgiajl38 − Was your partner aware he was allergic to cats? Did he tell you? It kinda sounds like you are looking for a reason to end this relationship. That's ok. This is as good a reason as any.

pommevie − If your cats are so important and your boyfriend is allergic.

Crafty-Pomegranate28 − YTA (mildy) and this is coming from someone who owns and loves cats and would choose them over anything. You knew he was not only allergic, but that he also hates animals. That should have been a bit of a red flag and a deciding factor in whether you took the pregnant cat in.

In an extreme scenario if your boyfriend really hates cats that much and you were willing to move in with him, you are potentially opening the door to n**lect and abuse of those animals (example being him wanting them to live outside).

You could have got the appropriate help for the cat without deciding to keep it too. Obviously this is a deal breaker.

It sounds like you have already chosen the cats over your boyfriend, which you are within your rights to do, but I don't think your boyfriend is being an AH by being upset about that. In the future you need to be with someone that likes animals, and in particular cats.

Or is otherwise willing to compromise with you over them.

Reddit kept the debate rolling with fiery takes, heartfelt defenses, and some pointed reminders about respect and compromise:

Pure_Twist3747 − If OP rescued the cats and got attached, I don't think her BF who she broke up with multiple times is going to be the deciding factor in whether she should keep them or not, especially since they didn't live together.

snomisaimassilem − Ahhh!!! Most of you must not be cat people. They were broken up when she got them. Why is it her fault he's allergic and an animal hater? HE KNEW SHE HAD THEM WHEN THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER! Sheesh. If he didn't want cats he shouldn't have gotten back with her.

I see it as a ploy to see just how much he could control OP in the future of their relationship. He started the battle and lost the war. OP is NOT TAH.

Chrysania83 − You aren't an a**hole for choosing the cats, but YTA for getting them in the first place, knowing he's allergic and doesn't want them.

mazzy31 − I’d say YTA because you were with him for *years*, decided to take in 6 cats that he’s allergic to and then have the audacity to be offended when his response is WTF. My husband is/was mildly allergic. But I had already had my cat for years.

So he put up with her and it seems exposure helped alleviate his allergies. She died and 2 weeks later he took me and the kids to the shelter to pick a new kitten. BUT we (everyone but him) wanted a dog for *years*. He said no. So we didn’t.

Until my mother wanted one and he felt bad because she can barely move, physical contact mostly hurts, her husband’s dead and her life is s**t. She wanted a Cavalier and he was like “small lap dog? I guess fine but it needs to be trained” so now we have a dog.

But, even without an allergy, I actually respected my husband enough to be like “well, this is against what he wants” and so, no dog until he said yes. OP, the second you brought a cat into your home, you showed you have zero respect for your long term boyfriend. This isn’t about “but they’re my babies”.

It’s about if how if you had a shred of respect for him, they never would have been able to become “your babies”.

Cats Over Love or a Missed Compromise?

This Redditor’s choice to stand by her cats turned a five-year relationship into a breakup ballad. Her fierce loyalty to her “babies” clashed with her boyfriend’s allergies and dislike, leaving them on separate paths.

Was she wrong to prioritize her pets over her partner’s comfort? Or was this breakup a sign of deeper differences that were bound to surface eventually?

How would you balance a furry family with a partner’s needs? Could you have found a compromise, or would you have made the same choice?

Share your hot takes below, this is one debate that’s sure to keep the comment section purring (or hissing).

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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