Sometimes a neighborhood conflict does not involve loud music, barking dogs, parking disputes, or someone throwing trash over a fence.
Sometimes, one person is simply sitting quietly in their own backyard.
That was the situation facing a woman who had started wondering whether she was somehow making her neighbor uncomfortable just by existing outside.
She lives in an unusual apartment complex where her deck sits diagonally across from her neighbor’s deck. The two spaces are separated by two fences, so they are close enough that the residents can see each other when they are outside.
The neighbor is described as very private and somewhat grumpy. She complains about things regularly, although the two women have never actually had a personal conflict.
The problem only became noticeable because of what happened whenever the woman stepped onto her deck.
Her neighbor would immediately go inside.
And apparently, she would stay there until the deck was empty again.
The Deck Was Her Favorite Part of the Apartment
The woman genuinely loves her deck.
It gets plenty of sunlight, with some shade from a nearby tree, and she spends as much time outside as she can.
But she is not exactly turning the space into a party venue.
She reads.
She does crossword puzzles.
She sits quietly.
Occasionally, her husband comes outside and they have a conversation.
That’s about it.
There is no loud music, no television blasting, no smoking, and no drinking. She isn’t inviting groups of friends over or hosting noisy gatherings.
In other words, she is basically using the deck for exactly what it was designed for.
Still, whenever her neighbor is outside and notices her, the neighbor heads back inside.
The woman has tried to remain friendly.
If she sees her neighbor appear, she smiles, waves, or says hello.
The neighbor generally does not respond.
Instead, she goes back inside.
At first, the woman felt guilty.
Maybe her presence was bothering her.
Maybe she was somehow making the neighbor feel uncomfortable without realizing it.
But eventually she started thinking about the situation differently.
The neighbor had her own outdoor space.
Nobody was preventing her from using it.
She was choosing to go inside.
Six Hours on the Deck Made Her Wonder
One particular day, the woman spent nearly six hours outside, from around 10 a.m. until 4 p.m.
During that time, her neighbor poked her head outside several times.
Every time, the woman smiled and said hello.
Every time, the neighbor went back inside without acknowledging her.
That was when the woman started questioning herself.
Was she being inconsiderate by continuing to use her deck when she knew her neighbor clearly did not like it?
Or was she simply allowing another person’s unusual preference to dictate how she used her own home?
She admitted that she sometimes felt bad about it.
But she also reminded herself that she was not doing anything wrong.
She wasn’t deliberately following her neighbor outside.
She wasn’t staring at her.
She wasn’t trying to start conversations.
She wasn’t making noise.
She was simply sitting there, reading and doing crossword puzzles in her own space.
So she asked Reddit the obvious question.
Was she the asshole for continuing to enjoy her deck even though her neighbor seemed annoyed by her presence?
The Real Issue Might Not Be the Deck at All
Apartment living can make privacy complicated.
Even when residents have their own balconies, patios, or decks, those spaces are often close enough that neighbors inevitably see one another. Outdoor living areas can create awkward situations because something that feels private to one person may still be visible to someone else.
Basic etiquette usually focuses on behavior that actually affects the neighbor, such as excessive noise, smoke, mess, or using someone else’s belongings without permission. Simply being visible in your own outdoor space is a different matter.
That does not mean the neighbor is necessarily being unreasonable, either.
Some people genuinely value solitude. They may feel uncomfortable being observed, even casually, or may simply prefer not to interact with neighbors when they are trying to relax.
And that appears to be the important distinction here.
The neighbor has not demanded that the woman stop using her deck.
She has not complained.
She has not confronted her.
She has simply chosen to retreat indoors.
That is her choice.
The woman can respect that preference without surrendering her own outdoor space.
Maybe the Friendliest Thing to Do Is Stop Saying Hello
There was one piece of advice Reddit seemed particularly interested in.
The woman might want to stop waving and saying hello every time her neighbor appears.
That sounds strange because saying hello is normally considered polite.
But context matters.
If someone repeatedly avoids interaction, continuing to acknowledge them every single time they step outside can actually make them feel more noticed rather than less.
Imagine wanting five quiet minutes alone on your balcony and knowing that every time you step outside, your neighbor will smile, wave, and initiate contact.
Even if the neighbor means well, that could eventually make the balcony feel less private.
So the solution might be surprisingly simple.
Keep using the deck.
Stop trying to interact.
If they cross paths in a hallway or shared area, a polite greeting is fine.
But once each person is in their own outdoor space, they can simply pretend the other person isn’t there.
It is possible to be respectful without becoming friends.
Several people suggested that the neighbor might simply be extremely introverted or anxious and prefer not to share her outdoor time with another person in view.
Others recommended a privacy screen or some kind of visual barrier if either woman wanted to avoid seeing the other.
The woman is not responsible for managing her neighbor’s feelings every time she sits outside.
If she is quietly reading, doing crossword puzzles, and enjoying her own deck, there is no obvious reason she should retreat indoors simply because another resident happens to dislike being around people.
At the same time, her neighbor’s desire for solitude deserves some respect too.
The easiest compromise may be to stop acknowledging each other so often and simply coexist.
No confrontation.
No dramatic privacy war.
No changing apartments.
Just two neighbors enjoying their homes in completely different ways.
And honestly, that might be the most peaceful solution of all.
Would you keep using your deck as usual, or would you give your neighbor more privacy by avoiding her when she comes outside?
