A Redditor spent years nursing her gravely ill son through surgeries and sleepless nights while her husband walked away, overwhelmed by it all. Now, after burying her child alone, she’s being accused of heartlessness for one decision: not informing her ex-husband about their son’s death—because she simply couldn’t reach him.
Shared by a grieving mother on Reddit’s AITA community, this story has left readers stunned, divided, and deeply emotional. Was it cruel omission, or a case of tragic inevitability? You decide.
One woman’s struggle to inform her ex-husband of their son’s death, after he abandoned them during his illness, sparked a heated confrontation
Dr. Katherine Shear, a renowned grief expert and founder of the Columbia Center for Prolonged Grief, states that “losses where the griever feels unsupported or abandoned often complicate the grieving process.”
In this case, the OP carried the emotional, physical, and medical burden of caregiving alone for two years after her partner exited. According to Shear, people in this situation may become “emotionally armored” as a self-preservation tactic, making their grieving process even harder.
Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula adds that abandonment often leads to “moral injury”—the deep psychological wound that comes from betrayal by someone you expected to support you.
In OP’s story, the ex-husband didn’t just leave—he legally separated from his responsibilities, started a new life, and made himself unreachable. When he reappeared, not with sorrow but with fury, the situation escalated.
“His anger was probably guilt,” says Dr. Durvasula. “But he displaced that guilt by blaming her, because it’s easier than confronting the shame of having left.”
Ultimately, the experts agree: you can’t expect a relationship that was severed long ago to suddenly resume at the moment of death. If contact was impossible, that’s on him—not her.
Reddit’s mourners rallied behind the Redditor, condemning her ex’s abandonment and outburst
This group slammed the ex for abandoning his son and attacking her
These Redditors emphasized her efforts and pain
![[Reddit User] − WOW NTA I wish I'd been there for you at that time because I would have obliterated your ex with words. How dare he come at you when you did everything for your son. A parent's duty is always to their child first, no matter what. It's child, then partner when you are married with kids. Always.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/46388-16.jpg "Single Mom Raises Sick Son Alone After Ex Leaves, Then Gets Accused Of Cruelty For Not Telling Him About The Funeral")
These commenters flagged her dad’s stance as hurtful
![[Reddit User] − NTA. He knew his son didn't have much life left to live. He knew that given his condition he could die at any time. He chose to leave and cut contact anyway. If he wasn't visiting his son regularly then he should accept that he gave up the right to be around at the time of his passing.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/46388-23.jpg "Single Mom Raises Sick Son Alone After Ex Leaves, Then Gets Accused Of Cruelty For Not Telling Him About The Funeral")
This woman lost her child. She didn’t need to lose her dignity too. Her ex-husband’s anger might be loud, but the truth is quiet—and it stands with her.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, support is available. Try resources like The Dougy Center or GriefShare. What do you think? Did she do the right thing by not chasing down her ex? Or should she have tried harder to inform him? Drop your thoughts below.
