OP keeps a pole dancing pole in her bedroom for exercise and loves babysitting her 4-year-old niece every other weekend.
When the niece asked about the pole, OP explained it’s for exercise, but her controlling sister-in-law (SIL) demanded it be removed during visits, threatening to end the childcare arrangement. OP refuses, arguing it’s her home and she’s providing free care.
This story pits personal freedom against family demands. Is OP wrong for standing her ground? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.
This story highlights a clash over personal autonomy and cultural stigma around pole dancing, often misjudged as solely erotic. OP is within her rights to keep the pole in her home, especially since she explained it appropriately to her niece and doesn’t use it during visits.
Family psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Imposing control over someone else’s personal space, especially when they’re providing free help, signals unhealthy boundaries” (The Dance of Connection).
SIL’s demand stems from stigma, but threatening to cut childcare is manipulative. OP should discuss with her brother to clarify the value of her free help and set boundaries with SIL.
SIL needs to recognize she can’t control OP’s home and should focus on educating her daughter rather than imposing biases. This case emphasizes respecting personal space and the value of unpaid family help.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit strongly backs OP, arguing SIL has no right to dictate her home, especially given the free childcare. Here’s a roundup of reactions.
Many emphasized OP’s autonomy.
![[Reddit User] − NTA, she can pay you if she wants to make demands.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758613049796-14.webp "Stripper Pole Sparks A Childcare Clash with A Demanding SIL")
Some criticized SIL’s stigma around the pole.
![[Reddit User] − NTA. Since when is a pole automatically taboo?](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758613070800-26.webp "Stripper Pole Sparks A Childcare Clash with A Demanding SIL")
A few offered humorous or practical responses.
OP is justified in refusing to remove her pole dancing pole, especially since she’s providing free childcare and explained it innocently to her 4-year-old niece. Reddit agrees SIL’s demands are unreasonable and rooted in stigma.
How can OP resolve this tension with SIL while keeping her niece in her life? Have you faced overbearing family demands? Share your stories!
