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Woman Sleeps With Another Man After Boyfriend Claims They’re Not A Couple

by Annie Nguyen
December 18, 2025
in Social Issues

In the grey area of modern relationships, what happens when you think you’re in a committed relationship, only for your partner to drop a bombshell that changes everything?

After a year of what seemed like a loving connection, this woman’s world turned upside down when the man she thought was her boyfriend told her they weren’t together.

Devastated, she responded by being with someone else, leading to accusations of betrayal. Was she wrong for reacting the way she did, or was his sudden revelation the real issue? Read on to discover how the community reacts to this tangled relationship drama.

A woman wonders if she’s wrong for sleeping with another man after her partner said they weren’t a couple

Woman Sleeps With Another Man After Boyfriend Claims They’re Not A Couple
not the actual photo

'AITAH for sleeping with a guy after the man I thought was my bf said we were not a couple?'

We have been seeing each other for a year and everything looked and seemed like we are a couple.

He said he loved me and I him. He spends every weekend with me and we have planned our first trip together etc.

Last weekend he was in bed and I made him pancakes because his birthday was on Tuesday.

He was very happy about it and joked that I was spoiling him. I said that I wanted to spoil my man.

He said I am not your man. With the same energy. He didn’t seem awkward nor embarrassed just as calm with a smile on his stupid face.

I didn’t take it seriously and said yeah I know you are not my man.

He was more serious now and said no really, I am not your boyfriend.

I felt literally sick but I tried to be calm and I asked so what are we, he said I don’t know. Really great FWB?

I didn’t say anything after that and he ate his pancakes in silence.

Later he asked if we would do anything, and I said that I was planning on cleaning and doing some paperwork.

He left after an hour. I ran to the bathroom to be sick and I probably cried for solid 2 hours.

I couldn’t keep anything in my stomach the rest of the day.

He texted that evening thanking me for the breakfast in bed and that

he thought I was “amazing” but I didn’t answer so he called a few times.

I didn’t answer. Around 10 pm he rang on my door. I just opened ajar and pretended I was sick with the flu and was going to bed.

He offered to stay the night in case I needed help during the night and I said no.

I didn’t answer him Sunday nor Monday and I didn’t wish him happy birthday

on Tuesday either and I have just been keeping it short texts feigning sickness.

He never brought up what he said once.

Then yesterday he wrote that he missed me and that he hadn’t gone this long without talking to me since we met and that he was going mad.

He asked if we could at least have dinner. I said that I was very busy. He said don’t you miss me?

I said that I was very tired because I was out all night with a guy last night so I just wanted to relax by myself this evening.

He stopped answering. He showed up 15 minutes later asking me if I was lying.

I wasn’t. I told him that we weren’t a couple so I was free to do whatever.

He said that I broke his heart and cheated on him and I am an ah. I waited for him to leave before started crying.

He is right, we have never had the “talk” actually and I never asked him what we were.

I just assumed because I loved him and I thought he did too.

But now I know we aren’t together, why was he upset that I slept with another man yesterday? Was I the ah? Was it cheating?

This situation involves a complex mix of emotions and unmet expectations between the OP and her partner. The OP believed she and her partner were in a committed relationship based on their actions, spending time together, mutual affection, and future plans.

When her partner unexpectedly told her that they were not a couple, the OP felt confused and hurt. Her response, sleeping with someone else, was a way of coping with the shock, but it also left her questioning whether her actions were justified.

From the OP’s perspective, her partner’s declaration that they were not a couple came as a surprise. She thought their bond was clear, and it was painful to be told otherwise. This emotional misalignment is at the heart of the situation.

The OP’s response may seem like a natural reaction to what felt like an emotional betrayal, given the circumstances. However, her actions complicate the situation, as they led to a misunderstanding that she was unsure about how to navigate.

The boyfriend, on the other hand, likely had different expectations about what the relationship was. He might have assumed they were exclusive without explicitly discussing it.

When the OP slept with someone else, he felt betrayed, as he had not been made aware that the relationship was not exclusive in the way he had thought. His reaction, accusing her of cheating, reflects the emotional hurt he felt in response to her actions.

From a psychological perspective, this situation highlights the importance of clear communication in relationships. Many relationship experts emphasize that defining expectations early on helps prevent misunderstandings and emotional distress.

Relationship ambiguity, where one partner assumes they are exclusive but the other does not, often leads to frustration and confusion on both sides. Without a clear conversation about exclusivity, one person may feel misled while the other feels justified in their actions.

Was the OP’s behavior technically cheating? In a strict sense, if there was no established commitment, it may not be. However, the emotional impact on her partner was significant, and his feelings of betrayal were valid from his perspective.

The real issue here seems to be the lack of clarity in their relationship, neither the OP nor her partner had clearly discussed what their relationship meant, leading to a breakdown in communication and understanding.

In conclusion, both parties in this situation are dealing with unmet emotional needs and unclear expectations. The OP’s actions, while understandable from her point of view, were hurtful to her partner, who had different assumptions about the relationship.

Clear communication about boundaries, expectations, and emotional needs is essential to avoid misunderstandings and to maintain a healthy, respectful relationship. The key takeaway here is that relationships require ongoing, open dialogue to ensure that both partners are on the same page.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

These Redditors highlight that the OP’s ex wanted the privileges of a relationship without the commitment

Substantial-Tap7283 − He wants girlfriend privileges without fulfilling the role of a boyfriend.

He can’t expect commitment when he himself is unwilling to commit. I’d say dump him, but he’s not your boyfriend

Bunstonious − "we're not together" and "You cheated on me", that's some wild delusional s__t right there.

chaingun_samurai − He said that I broke his heart and cheated on him and I am an ah.

"You're not my boyfriend, right? Can't cheat on someone that's not my boyfriend. " NTA.

canyonemoon − Absolutely NTA. He didn't just stop at saying you weren't together,

that he wasn't your boyfriend, he even said you were "a great FWB".

That is so extremely insulting, if he's gonna act like you're exclusive.

Bet he only expected you to be loyal and not him. He wants a girlfriend and a relationship without committing. What an AH.

This group stresses that the OP’s ex was trying to manipulate the situation by claiming heartache and cheating when no commitment was in place

[Reddit User] − NTA he wants you to be tied to him but he wants to be free to play the field.

I would’ve told him the moment he said he didn’t see himself as your boyfriend

that I was not looking for a fwb situation and the relationship is over.

RaymondBeaumont − Did he explain how you can cheat if you aren't in a relationship? Obviously NTA.

Alarming_Paper_8357 − I think he is learning the truth behind “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”

throwaway-rayray − NTA - he wants all the good bits with none of the commitment (that’s what it means that he’s now suddenly upset).

I would tell him ”I can’t cheat on you. You made clear you’re not my boyfriend

and I am nothing to you but a great fwb. You had no right to an expectation of monogamy given the circumstances.

You do not get to have a loyal girlfriend, who you treat as and refer to as a fwb.

I no longer wish to proceed as you’ve wasted a year of my time.”

Mostly because pretending to be sick and then saying you banged someone else is not clearly enough putting him in his place.

These Redditors share personal stories of similar experiences, agreeing that the ex was emotionally manipulative

mnhw93 − Same s__t happened to me. I thought I was dating this dude for months.

But then he told me outright one day, “you know we’re not serious right? I’m getting older and need to find a girlfriend soon.”

I was super hurt but did my best to play it off. He kept messaging trying to date but I told him I was busy.

I started seeing other people. Eventually he messaged again asking when he could come over for sexy times.

I told him that we couldn’t hang out anymore as I had a boyfriend now and blocked him.

It was true. After I stopped wasting my time on him I met this awesome dude who actually wanted to be my boyfriend.

He treated me like a girlfriend and introduced himself as my boyfriend. Lose his number and find yourself a better dude. NTA.

seidinove − NTA. In a way you did have The Talk when he said “I am not your boyfriend.”

And you acted accordingly. And I’m with you on wondering why The Talk was even necessary

after being together for a year, exchanging “I love yous,” and, I’m assuming, being exclusive.

SinceWayLastMay − Yeah I had a dude pull this with me after about three months of full-on boyfriend behavior

- we’d had the “are we exclusive” conversation, he’d been to my book club, he met my aunt, we’d had brunch.

“Oh what, you think I’m your boyfriend? No, I’m just your boy-toy why put labels on it? ” I cried for 24 hours straight because this was news.

to. me. (And I was like 22). He would get super weird about stuff like me offering

to help him pick out some furnishings for his new apartment (it looked like jail)

or when I invited him to Christmas with my family because he had just moved here and had no family in the state.

I was done like three weeks after that. Later I found out he gave me HPV. Dump this man, NTAH

Salty-Tomcat8641 − In what world are you dating someone for A YEAR and spend almost every weekend together,

but you are not a couple because he never said you were? What is he 5?

He thinks he still has to ask you to be his girlfriend like in kindergarten? Omg

These commenters back the OP’s actions, calling out the ex’s double standards and highlighting how the ex tried to have the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility

AVeryBrownGirlNerd − NTA. He told you that you weren't together, so you're free.

So you couldn't have cheated on him or broken his heart at all. You didn't betray him.

Personally, I could be wrong here, he may be saying all these things after he realized you had self-respect and that there could be others.

He wanted the privileges of having a partner without the commitment.

Oubliette_95 − NTA I remember my encounter with a fuckboy back in college.

He wanted to meet my grandparents and sister, would spend the night, text me all the time, and even spent his birthday with me.

He’d even start convos about future stuff and yet, he wasn’t my boyfriend.

He went on some BS about an ex he had in middle school scared him off from commitment.

I was so done after that and of course he kept reaching out to me after I ended whatever the hell we were.

People like him and your fellow have serious issues.

KnotYourFox − He showed up 15 minutes later asking me if I was lying. I wasn’t.

I told him that we weren’t a couple so I was free to do whatever.

He said that I broke his heart and cheated on him and I am an ah. I waited for him to leave before started crying. NTA. Don't fall for his...

He wanted his cake and to eat it too. He acted coy to try and shake off any concept of a relationship with you.

He chose that path and now he gets to live with it

because he didn't expect you to be able to move on so quickly and find another man. It was neither cheating nor wrong.

Guarantee you he's been seeing someone or talking to someone on the side and telling himself that it's fine

because you two "aren't together".

What do you think? Did she do the right thing by moving on, or did she make a mistake by jumping into something new? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 3/4 votes | 75%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/4 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/4 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 1/4 votes | 25%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/4 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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