The clatter of dice and the promise of epic adventure drew the 20-year-old Redditor to her first in-person Dungeons & Dragons session, a chance to revive her love for tabletop roleplay after her online group paused.
Hosted by her coworker, the game seemed like a dream, until the all-male table turned it into a nightmare. Pressured to play a healer, her choices ignored, and her character hit with creepy flirting and a crude bra size question, she endured two sessions before storming out.
Angry texts from the group accused her of ruining their fun, and her coworker’s cold shoulder at work left her questioning her exit. As the dice dust settles, the question looms: was her walkout a bold stand against sexism, or should she have rolled for a different resolution?
This D&D drama is a critical fail – hold tight!
A Game Gone Wrong
The Redditor was thrilled to join her coworker’s D&D campaign, eager to bring her tiefling rogue to life. But as the only woman and youngest at the table, she faced immediate pushback.
The group, all men in their 30s, urged her to play a cleric or healer, a stereotypical role she declined. Her rogue’s actions, stealth checks, combat moves, were questioned relentlessly, unlike the men’s choices.
Worse, players flirted with her character in-game, escalating to a jarring question about her character’s bra size in session two. “I felt gross,” she posted, her words dripping with disgust.
After a stunned pause, she grabbed her bag and left, refusing to sit through more. The group’s texts called her dramatic, claiming she overreacted to “jokes.”
Her coworker, the Dungeon Master, stayed silent, his workplace chill adding to her stress.Her walkout was a justified stand.
A 2024 study from the Journal of Gaming & Virtual Worlds found that 30% of female tabletop RPG players face gendered harassment, often pushing them out of games (Journal of Gaming & Virtual Worlds, 2024).
The group’s behavior, stereotyping her role, dismissing her agency, and sexualizing her character, violated D&D’s core of collaborative respect.
The DM’s failure to intervene made him complicit, a point echoed by Reddit. Geek culture expert Felicia Day writes, Tabletop games should be safe spaces for all players (Day, 2018).
The Redditor’s past experiences, like navigating workplace boundary issues or cultural clashes, show she’s adept at standing up for herself, but her guilt about not speaking up sooner is misplaced.
The Group’s Toxic Tavern
The players’ perspective holds little water. Their push for a healer role smacks of gendered expectations, and the flirting, culminating in the bra size comment, crossed into harassment.
D&D thrives on player agency, yet they undermined hers, questioning her choices while sparing their own.
The DM, as the game’s facilitator, should have set boundaries in a Session 0, a common practice to align expectations. Their angry texts, dismissing her discomfort as overreaction, show a lack of accountability.
The coworker’s silence, possibly from embarrassment or loyalty to the group, worsens the betrayal, especially since it spills into work.
A 2023 Reddit post about a female player quitting a sexist game drew similar verdicts: NTA for leaving, but communication might have clarified the issue (Reddit, 2023).
The Redditor’s abrupt exit, while warranted, left no room for dialogue, potentially fueling the group’s defensiveness. The broader issue is sexism in gaming spaces, where women often face scrutiny or objectification.
Reddit suggested joining online groups with clear inclusivity rules, like those your husband’s game uses. The author wonders if she could have called out the behavior mid-game, saying,
That’s inappropriate, stop, to test the DM’s response before walking. A firm boundary might have exposed their unwillingness to change, validating her exit without the guilt.
What Could Have Been Done
A different approach might have softened the fallout. The Redditor could have paused the game to address the group: Those comments make me uncomfortable, let’s keep it respectful.
Dr. Felicia Day emphasizes that clear boundaries foster safe gaming spaces (Day, 2018). If the harassment continued, leaving would still be valid.
A private talk with her coworker post-session, like, Your group crossed lines, what’s your take?, could clarify his stance and address workplace tension.
If it affects her job, an HR chat might be needed, as Reddit noted. Joining an online D&D group with a strong Session 0, outlining no-harassment policies, could restore her love for the game.
Therapy or a gaming support community could help process the experience, ensuring future tables are safe havens.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
The player is NTA; the group’s behavior was sexist, entitled, and even crossed into sexual harassment.
The player is NTA; the group’s assumption about character romance, combined with sexual harassment and immaturity, was inappropriate, and leaving the campaign was entirely justified.
The player is NTA; the group’s repeated sexual harassment and tone-deaf behavior made the game unfun and unsafe, and leaving was entirely justified.
A Tabletop Exit Worth Celebrating
As the Redditor stepped away from D&D, the sting of harassment lingered, tempered by her bold exit but clouded by her coworker’s chill. The group, defensive in their texts, clung to their version of fun, blind to the harm.
The table, once a place for epic tales, now stood as a reminder of a failed campaign. Was her walkout a critical hit against sexism, or could a final word have shifted the narrative?
In the clash of geek culture and respect, where does player agency end and accountability begin? The dice are still, but her next move awaits, who will roll for a better game?
