Family fairness is rarely 50/50, but sometimes the disparity is so wide it creates a permanent canyon between siblings.
We often hear about “Golden Child” syndrome, but we rarely see the financial aftermath explode so spectacularly.
A 24-year-old man recently took to the internet to ask if he was wrong for turning his back on his parents. They refused to sign his college paperwork, yet they paid for his sister’s entire education. Now, they are broke, and he is their Plan B.
Now, read the full story:
This story triggers a very specific type of rage. It is not just that the parents didn’t pay for the OP; it is that they actively sabotaged him.
Refusing to fill out FAFSA (financial aid) paperwork is a devastating move. It doesn’t cost the parents a penny, but it bars the student from accessing federal grants and low-interest loans. It is pure, unadulterated spite. They essentially tried to lock him out of higher education.
The irony here is blinding. They trained their son to be ruthlessly independent, forced him to “write essays” to justify his needs, and taught him that “their money was not for him.”
Congratulations, mom and dad. Your lesson worked.
You created a man who owes you nothing, understands the value of a dollar, and knows exactly how to say “no.” Now that the bank of mom and dad has been drained by the child they coddled, they are shocked to find the “spare” child isn’t interested in fixing their mistakes.
Expert Opinion
The dynamic described here is a textbook example of the “Golden Child” and “Scapegoat” system, but with a severe financial abuse twist.
The FAFSA Betrayal
Many people misunderstand FAFSA refusal.
According to financial aid experts, a parent’s refusal to sign the FAFSA is often the single biggest hurdle for young adults trying to improve their lives. Unless a student can prove abuse, abandonment, or homelessness to gain “dependency override,” parents hold the keys to the student’s federal aid until age 24.
By withholding a signature, an act that costs nothing, these parents displayed what psychologists often term malignant neglect. They actively blocked their son’s path to independence.
The Outcome of Disparity
The current crisis was predictable.
According to a study by Karl Pillemer at Cornell University, parental favoritism has long-term negative effects on all family members, including the favored child.
The “Golden Child” (the sister) was never taught financial literacy or resilience. She was taught that resources are infinite and unearned. Now that the resource stream (the parents) has dried up, she lacks the skills to support them.
The “Scapegoat” (the OP), conversely, was forced into hyper-independence.
Relationship experts often note that while scapegoated children suffer emotionally, they often thrive professionally in adulthood because they learned survival skills early. The parents are now looking at the sturdy house the OP built, forgetting they refused to help him lay the foundation.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in toxic relationships, frequently advises that you cannot fix a toxic family dynamic with money.
If the OP gives them money, it will likely be funneled directly to the sister or used to pay debts incurred by her, effectively continuing the cycle of abuse. The parents have not changed their mindset; they have simply run out of cash.
Check out how the community responded:
Users immediately latched onto the irony of the parents’ past demands, suggesting the OP use their own “begging” tactics against them.
These commenters pointed out that this isn’t just bad parenting; it’s a lifetime of sabotage that disqualifies them from any help.
The general consensus is that the parents engineered this disaster themselves by investing in the wrong child.
How to Navigate a Situation Like This
If you find yourself being the financial “Plan B” for a family that treated you like a second-class citizen, the guilt can be overwhelming. But you must hold firm.
When refusing their request, you don’t need to scream or re-hash the past (though it is tempting). Simply state your financial boundary. “I am not in a position to support your household expenses.” If they press, remind them of the precedent they set: “You taught me to be self-sufficient and that your money wasn’t for me. I have structured my life based on those lessons.”
Financial experts often warn that bailing out family members with poor spending habits rarely works. It acts as a bandage, not a cure. If you give them money now, they will return in a month. Their issue isn’t a lack of income; it is a structural problem with how they manage assets regarding your sister. Until that pipeline to her stops, your money will just disappear.
You worked hard to be debt-free despite their sabotage. Do not set yourself on fire to keep them warm, especially when they spent years handing their firewood to someone else.
Conclusion
It is tragic to see a family fall apart over money, but in this case, the cracks were formed decades ago.
The parents gambled everything on the Golden Child and treated the Scapegoat as a burden. Now, the roulette wheel has stopped spinning, and they lost. It is not the OP’s job to cover their bet.
So, the consensus is pretty overwhelming: OP is not the jerk.
What do you think? Is there a moral obligation to help your parents even if they sabotaged your start in life?
