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Man Brags About His New Developer Job – Until He Finds Out the Woman He Was Buying Drinks For Is a Software Engineer

by Charles Butler
September 23, 2025
in Social Issues

A board game bar should have been the backdrop for laughter, friendly competition, and clinking glasses. Instead, it became the stage for one man’s ego trip.

Nick, a fresh-faced developer, spent the evening bragging about his job and generously buying drinks for a woman he barely knew. He never bothered to ask what she did for a living, just assumed she wasn’t in his league.

What he didn’t know was that she was a seasoned software engineer. Amused by his arrogance, she kept her career to herself.

But when her profession later surfaced on social media, Nick’s pride took a hard hit. Furious, he accused her of deceiving him. Was she wrong for staying quiet, or was his downfall entirely of his own making?

Man Brags About His New Developer Job - Until He Finds Out the Woman He Was Buying Drinks For Is a Software Engineer

A night of board games turned into a lesson in assumptions. Here’s her story:

'AITA for telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening?'

My friend "Grace" invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friend's "Nick".

We went to get drinks in pairs, Grace going with her boyfriend, meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of...

Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, go to a coding bootcamp

and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.

He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying "sorry, you don't understand that, haha".

During the entire evening, I never told him I has been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it...

When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one. "Don't worry about it, it's not a problem with my devoper salary."

I told him multiple times he doesn't have to pay for me, but he insisted. At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out...

My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I'm software engineer. He asked me if it's true that I'm a software engineer and I...

He asked me why I haven't told him, why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (I never implied that),

and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.

I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job,

but he only wanted to brag about his. But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks.

He was a angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me. But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side...

saying that it would've cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it for myself for my own entertainment.

Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don't really feel like I did anything wrong. AITA?

The night started lighthearted, with dice rolling, cocktails flowing, and casual conversation. Nick, eager to impress, dominated the table talk.

He described his developer job in detail, making quips like “you wouldn’t understand” whenever the woman showed interest. He capped it off by insisting on paying for her drinks, a gesture that came off less chivalrous and more patronizing.

She didn’t correct him. In fact, she said little about herself, letting him assume whatever he wanted. The truth was she held a senior position as a software engineer, more experienced than Nick by years.

The reveal came later, when Facebook connections exposed her actual job title. Suddenly, Nick’s attitude flipped. He accused her of misleading him and embarrassing him in front of others. To him, it was a “trick.” To her, it was simply letting him talk himself into a corner.

The clash highlighted a deeper issue: his assumptions about women in tech and his fragile response when reality didn’t match his expectations.

Expert Opinion

Etiquette and communication experts say the woman wasn’t in the wrong. She wasn’t obligated to disclose her career, especially since Nick never asked.

As Dr. Deborah Tannen of Georgetown University explains, “Conversational mismatches often stem from assuming rather than inquiring, especially across gender lines.”

Nick’s behavior reflects a broader cultural pattern. A 2023 study published in Gender & Society found that 40% of women in STEM face mistaken assumptions about their roles, often being underestimated or dismissed.

By bragging instead of engaging, Nick fell right into this stereotype.

The woman’s silence might have been cheeky, but it wasn’t deceptive. The real issue lies in Nick’s lack of curiosity and his defensiveness once the truth surfaced.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The chorus of support kept rolling in, with commenters applauding the OP for shutting down the cousin’s sabotage attempt:

laffy4444 − He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying "sorry, you don't understand that, haha". This, right...

FedeRreal − NTA He wanted to brag and he was a bit sexist, he deserved this lesson

TaxiJab − Not only are you NTA, you’re an absolute f**king LEGEND 🤣 Edit: holy shitballs guys, thanks for the awards!

Redditors were quick to call out Nick’s arrogance, pointing out how his own bragging and sexist assumptions backfired spectacularly:

[Reddit User] − Nick was bragging. You played along with it. It probably never occurred to him that women can be software engineers.

It was probably quite entertaining, although you probably wouldn't want him as a boyfriend. NTA.

Aradene − NTA. You didn’t ask him to pay for your drinks, and you did tell him he didn’t have to.

He insisted. He was sexist in assuming that you didn’t have a job that would leave you comfortable

(especially comfortable enough to buy your own drinks! ). He was bragging and showing off, only to learn he was making a fool of himself.

ElvisCresposblanket − NTA. He wanted to flaunt his career and money, but it backfired because he never bothered to ask about you.

Wild_Exit_5925 − NTA NTA NTA NTA! As a female software engineer myself, I love this soo much. Would love to do this to all of the men who are always...

More commenters piled on, sharing their own experiences with arrogant men and praising OP for handling Nick’s ego with humor and grace:

tatasz − NTA, He assumed things and made a fool of himself.

gover2087 − NTA- In his mind, he’s on a pedestal higher than every one he knows and got pissed once he found out you’re on a higher one.

He insisted on buying you the drinks and you even offered to pay him back after the fact. You’re not obligated to tell him anything and you weren’t keeping him...

He would’ve found out your job had he hopped off his ego trip for a second, show some interest in you and let you speak.

R3dl8dy − NTA I have a few narcissistic relatives like him. They will _never_ ask about anyone else. They may politely wait through you volunteering information, but they won’t ask.

Because they don’t care. Last month I called my cousin to tell him that my mom had passed, his “favorite aunt,” according to him. He asked zero questions about her...

Instead, he spent the entire call ranting about the government screwing him over and withholding his Covid check for no reason.

Some people are so narcissistic, they don’t even know they are supposed to, at least, feign interest in others. They can’t even fake it. Don’t worry about your friends.

They should count themselves lucky you were amused by his total lack of interest instead of being angry/pissed off by his narcissistic, misogynistic BS.

Was her silence a clever move, or should she have spilled the beans? Let’s hear your thoughts.

This barroom saga proves that sometimes the best clapback is silence. By saying nothing, the woman exposed Nick’s arrogance without lifting a finger.

His bruised pride turned a night of drinks into a family feud, but the lesson is clear: assumptions can be costly, especially when paired with condescension.

So what do you think? Was her silence sly but harmless, or should she have spoken up to spare Nick’s ego?

 

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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