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A Woman Changed the Locks After Her Husband Secretly Gave His Mom a Key – Was She Wrong to Take Back Control?

by Sunny Nguyen
July 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Imagine moving into your dream home, only for your mother-in-law to treat it like her personal timeshare, key included. That’s exactly what happened in this fiery AITA tale, where one Redditor’s quest for privacy clashed hard with family meddling. After years of uninvited drop-ins at their old place, she set a firm boundary: no key for her husband’s mom.

But when her husband secretly handed one over anyway, things exploded. Furious and feeling betrayed, she took matters into her own hands, literally, by changing the locks. Now her husband’s outraged, his family’s labeling her “petty,” and the silent treatment is in full swing.

Was she out of line for protecting her peace, or did he cross the line first? Let’s unpack the domestic drama.

A Woman Changed the Locks After Her Husband Secretly Gave His Mom a Key - Was She Wrong to Take Back Control?

This Redditor’s story is a wild ride – lock the doors and hold on! Here’s the original post:

Aita For Changing The Lock After My Husband Gave His Mom A Copy Of The New House's Key?

My husband and I (both 30s) purchased a new house together last month. His mom nagged us for a copy of ths key but I refused because in our old home, she kept letting herself in and invade our privacy. She begged, cried and even tried to send people at me to pressure me to agree.

I still refused but later I found out that my husband gave her a copy. I was livid. I had the biggest argument with him because of it. He said that it was done and that 'there was NOTHING I can do about it'.

I cried my eyes out in frustration but then I contacted a locksmith and had the lock changed. My husband found out and went off on me saying I had no right to make such decision on my own, but I replied that he didn't consult me when he decided to let his mom have a copy of the key.

I stated that I will not be living in paranoia in my own house anymore. He yelled at me asking what he should tell his mom now then stormed off. His dad and family knew and started calling ms petty and whatnot. He's refusing to speak to me unless I 'correct' my mistake.. AITA for doing this?

When Trust Is Broken in a Marriage

Moving into a new home should feel like a fresh start, not a sequel to Invasion of the Mother-in-Law! This Redditor’s clash with her husband is a classic case of broken trust and clashing priorities. She made it clear her husband’s mom wasn’t welcome to have a key.

After too many surprise drop-ins at their old place, she was done feeling like a visitor in her own space. So when her husband secretly handed over a copy of the new key and brushed off her concerns with “nothing you can do about it,” she felt cornered and betrayed. Her response was swift: call the locksmith, change the locks, and take back her sense of control.

Setting Boundaries With In-Laws

From the husband’s point of view, maybe he thought giving his mom a key was keeping peace within the family. But skipping the conversation with his wife wasn’t just inconsiderate, it was a direct violation of their partnership.

According to a 2024 Journal of Marriage and Family study, 4 out of 10 couples report in-law boundaries as a major source of conflict. When both spouses act independently, simple disagreements turn into standoffs.

This is about more than a key. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says that couples must form a united front when dealing with extended family (The Gottman Institute, 2023). By putting his mother’s feelings above his wife’s comfort, the husband caused a deep fracture.

Her reaction, while strong, was rooted in years of boundary-crossing and her husband’s refusal to back her up. Maybe a mediated conversation could have helped, but after being ignored, she made a firm move.

Do you think she went too far? Or was this the only way to finally be heard?

Reddit’s dishing out opinions, and it’s juicier than a family group chat! Check out the top comments:

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users strongly support a person dealing with an intrusive mother-in-law with a key, suggesting a divorce lawyer, setting firm boundaries, and even locking a bedroom.

yourlittlebirdie − NTA but the best way to correct this mistake isn’t with a locksmith, it’s with a divorce lawyer.

Ok-Implement-4370 − NTA She has no reason to have a key. This about her control over her son. He NEEDS to know that her having a key is about her control over HIM and by extension YOU THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR FOR NORMAL PEOPLE Also, undoubtedly he will give her a copy of the new key.

McflyThrowaway01 − NTA But seriously make this your hill to die on.

Betty_Boss − NTA. Pick a bedroom, put on a lock and don’t give your husband the key. Don’t move out before you talk to an attorney.

A Reddit user sees an uninvited key entry as a power grab by the mother-in-law and husband, predicting a cycle of lock changes unless a firm next step is taken.

Nathan_Poe − when people use a spare key to enter your home without invitation, they are telling you 'I have authority in this house'. She is telling you that your husband is her child, she is his parent, and she has the right to enter his home when she wishes.

Your husband giving her a key against your express wishes basically establishes that he feels HE has ultimate authority in the house. So basically, now it goes Mother to Husband to you at the bottom of the list.

RLuna911 − Changing the locks shows you will not cede your authority in this game they made the rules for. he will of course give her a new key and not tell you, but she will be unable to resist using it and this argument will start all over again.

So, knowing that this is going to be lather-rinse-repeat, what are you going to do NEXT time?

Meanwhiles. other Redditó support changing locks due to an intrusive mother-in-law, urging boundary reinforcement and potential legal steps like a restraining order.

Such-Quarter278 − NTA. Your MIL makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home so it is understandable that you would wish to reinforce boundaries. Husband didn't consider your feelings when he went ahead and gave her a key anyway. So you fixed the issue.

Ursula_Bot − Get a locksmith consultation. Programmable locks? Weekly lock changes? Maybe he knows a good divorce attorney. Maybe a restraining order. Escalate as far as you need. Legal requirement that she not let herself in, ever. This is a mess. Sons everywhere are just so bizarre about their mamas.

ExceptionallyRainy − NTA. He didn’t consult you. You just undid what he did without your permission. If she doesn’t know how to respect your privacy she cannot be trusted with a house key. His mother has absolutely no reason to have a house key.

Are these Redditors picking the right locks or just stirring the pot? You tell us!

 

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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