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Boyfriend Laughs When His Friend Calls Her “B*h,” Then Explodes When She Stands Up For Herself

by Annie Nguyen
November 17, 2025
in Social Issues

Every relationship has its challenges, but some disputes can leave us questioning our very worth. In a recent story from Reddit’s AITA community, a woman finds herself grappling with how her boyfriend’s friend addressed her in a rather derogatory way.

After a seemingly harmless incident involving a spilled beer, the friend’s response left her feeling disrespected and uncomfortable. Instead of support, she was met with defensiveness and gaslighting from both her boyfriend and his friend.

This led her to take a firm stand, but at what cost? Dive into the unfolding drama as she navigates her feelings and the reactions from those around her. Will she find the validation she seeks, or is there more to this story than meets the eye?

A woman questions her relationship after her boyfriend laughs when his friend insults her

Boyfriend Laughs When His Friend Calls Her “B*h,” Then Explodes When She Stands Up For Herself
Not the actual photo

AITA for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend's friend calling me "b***h"?

I am a 31F living with my boyfriend "Mike" who is 34.

Mike has a friend "Victor" who comes over a lot.

Yesterday, Victor came over to watch baseball with Mike.

Victor asked me to pass him a beer so I passed one over but I dropped it.

It didn't crack open or anything, but he said "Nice one, b__ch."

I was honestly shocked and said excuse me?

He started laughing and Mike joined in.

I was very uncomfortable and genuinely didn't know what to say.

I told Victor that I didn't appreciate him calling me a b__ch.

He got super defensive and said he was saying it "jokingly".

I said it doesn't matter how you were trying to say it, I am uncomfortable.

He got very huffy and said I was just being "sensitive" and then he said

and you're probably going to accuse me of being a sexist now aren't you. Can't say anything these days."

This was wild because A) I didn't say anything about sexism and B) What do you mean "can't say anything"?

Can't call women "bitches" unsolicited anymore? What even was his point here?

Mike hadn't said anything during this interaction until I called him out.

I asked why he wasn't defending me and he said "idk babe you're being a bit dramatic."

At this point I'd had enough so I told them to leave and they went to Victor's to watch the game.

Up until this point I thought I was in the right until Mike texted me angrily.

He said I'd embarrassed him in front of a friend by being so melodramatic and SJW-y.

He said Victor didn't mean any harm, and it was like how my friends call me b__ch lovingly/jokingly.

He also said it was uncalled for for me to kick him and Victor out of the house when Mike literally lives there.

I said it's completely different because my friends make sure I'm okay with it and don't say it in a derogatory manner like Victor did.

Plus, my friends are wonderful women who have supported me for years, not some friend of my boyfriend's who I barely know.

And I was supposed to just let myself be disrespected in my own home?

He called me annoying again and then turned notifications off.

He slept over last night (Victor lives alone) and hasn't come home yet.

I think I might be the a__hole because it's true that my friends call me b__ch, and although it's different as I said above,

it's possible that it confused Victor and made him think that was ok.

I also didn't mean to make Victor uncomfortable/put him in the hot seat as a guest in my house. AITA?

In the realm of human interaction, we often find ourselves navigating the delicate balance between humor and respect. The story of the OP, a woman who felt disrespected by her boyfriend’s friend, Victor, highlights a universal truth: everyone deserves to feel safe and valued in their own home.

The shock and discomfort she experienced when Victor jokingly referred to her as a “b***h” underscores the emotional turmoil that arises when boundaries are crossed. This situation is a poignant reminder of the complexities of relationships and the need for mutual respect.

From a psychological perspective, OP’s reaction to Victor’s comment can be examined through the lens of emotional safety. Her hurt feelings stem from a perceived lack of respect, which is foundational in any relationship.

When Victor dismissed her discomfort as being “sensitive,” he not only invalidated her feelings but also reinforced a common societal trend where men often fail to recognize the emotional impact of their words on women.

In this context, OP’s need to assert herself becomes a powerful act of self-preservation against the backdrop of gaslighting from both Victor and her boyfriend, Mike.

While many might view OP’s response as overly dramatic, her emotional response is not only valid but essential. Research shows that women often internalize disrespect in more profound ways than men, who may prioritize humor over sensitivity.

According to Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, a psychologist specializing in relationships, when individuals dismiss others’ feelings as ‘overreactions,’ it perpetuates a cycle of emotional invalidation that can lead to deeper issues down the line. This insight emphasizes that OP’s instincts to protect her emotional well-being were not just justified; they were necessary.

Connecting this expert insight back to OP’s situation, it’s clear that her decision to stand up for herself was rooted in a profound understanding of her needs. By demanding respect, she took an essential step towards safeguarding her dignity and emotional health.

In relationships, mutual respect is paramount, and OP’s experience serves as a reminder that asserting boundaries is not only acceptable but vital.

In conclusion, this story invites us to reflect on the importance of empathy in our interactions. It urges us to prioritize emotional safety and respect, fostering healthier relationships built on understanding and support. Conversations like these are essential in redefining how we approach humor and respect in our daily lives.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These Redditors say Victor crossed a line and should’ve apologized the moment you objected

pennywhistlesmoonpie − You are NTA. The only correct response from Victor when you told him not to call you that would be “I am so sorry!

I won’t call you that again.” Instead, he deflected the blame to you, and he your boyfriend gaslit you.

This isn’t right at all that you’re feeling bad.

THEY are the ones who are rude and behaved totally unacceptably. Can you move out?

RedditDK2 − Nta. Victor might have been joking and might have genuinely thought that it was okay.

However the minute you said you didn't like being called a b__ch by him Victor should have apologized and that would have been the end of it.

It was Victor's refusal to see he had done anything wrong and Mike's refusal to stand with you that caused the problem.

Both of them need to apologize.

CauliflowerPresent93 − NTA. I'm not sure if I'd ever be comfortable with a man calling me b__ch.

Don't let your bf gaslight you.

You were doing the friend a favor by passing a beer and he calls you a b__ch in your own home?

Bf should have your back not invalidate you.

Floor-Necessary − NTA. It's not that hard to apologize, and that's what Victor should have done.

Then he tried to gaslight you when you pointed out that you weren't okay with that.

Your boyfriend also owes you an apology, in my opinion.

It doesn't matter if you're okay being called that by your friends, because you're absolutely right that it's different depending on who says it.

These Redditors warn your boyfriend prioritizes his friend over you and dismisses your feelings

CrimsonKnight_004 − NTA - And don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise.

Your boyfriend showed you who he is, the kind of company he keeps, and that he’ll choose his friend over you.

You deserve to be comfortable and not insulted in your own home, and he dismissed that basic right as you being “dramatic.”

Victor told on himself, because even though you didn’t call it sexist, that’s exactly what it was. And Mike is okay with it.

Let them cry it out over beers and call you a btch to their hearts’ content at Victor’s house,

because I don’t think it’d be a good idea to welcome your bf back after this.

UnhappyGrowth5555 − The way VictorLucas escalated this is what stands out to me.

He could have just said hey I was joking; sorry; won’t do it again, but the sudden defensiveness,

the saying you got SJW-y just because you don’t want to be called a b__ch?

You are NTA, and your boyfriend taking his friends side would have me thinking a LOT about where things are going in this relationship.

Axels15 − Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun NTA. Judge people by their friends.

curly_lox − NTA And Mike and Victor sound like they should be future roommates.

These Redditors highlight Victor’s defensive SJW comments as toxic red flags

DaisyTheBarb − How much do you want to bet that Victor uses the "Are you going to call me sexist"

and "You can't say anything these days" for all kinds of offensive s__t and gets away with it

because he turns it around on the person who is (rightly) offended.

There is no way he's fighting back this hard if it was a one time mistake. I bet you he says lots of n__ty stuff.

Chagdoo − Man someone bringing up SJWs unprompted is a red flag to me, am I alone in this?

Anyway NTA if someone asks you not to call them something, you don't.

This situation raises important questions about respect and boundaries in relationships. Do you think the woman’s response was justified given the circumstances, or could she have handled it differently? How would you navigate a situation where your partner doesn’t stand up for you? Drop your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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