Dad Refuses To Fund College Unless Daughter Opens Up To His New Family

After nearly two decades of trying to mend a relationship with his daughter, one father says he’s reached his breaking point. Despite years of therapy and one-on-one efforts, she continues to reject his wife and younger son and he blames her mother for fueling that hostility.

So when college tuition came due, he refused to pay a cent unless she made an effort to bond with the family she’s spent years pushing away. His daughter burst into tears; his ex called him cruel. Now Reddit is asking: where’s the line between firm parenting and emotional coercion?

One dad told his daughter he’d only fund school if she made a good-faith effort to be civil and try to connect with his new family

College funding is a sensitive topic for many parents, especially when intertwined with long-standing family conflicts.

In this case, the father has decided to make financial support contingent on his adult daughter, Ariel, attempting a relationship with his current family, his wife and younger son.

While the intent is to encourage reconciliation and respectful interaction, this situation sits at the intersection of financial responsibility, family dynamics, and adult autonomy.

Legally, parents are generally not obligated to fund a child’s college after reaching the age of majority unless stipulated by a prior agreement or court order.

According to the American Bar Association, “Parents are not required to provide college tuition for adult children, though many do so voluntarily.”

In this scenario, the father’s decision to condition financial support on respectful engagement with his household falls within his rights, though it carries significant relational consequences.

Psychologists note that conditional support can have both motivational and damaging effects.

Dr. Terri Apter, a developmental psychologist, explains that “using resources as leverage to enforce emotional or social behavior can create tension, resentment, and long-term estrangement if the recipient feels coerced rather than supported.”

While the father’s frustration is understandable given years of perceived disrespect and alienation, the daughter’s autonomy and emotional response must be considered.

From a family systems perspective, this approach is a form of boundary enforcement.

Research in Journal of Marriage and Family suggests that in blended or high-conflict families, clear boundaries are necessary to prevent further emotional harm and to assert parental authority over household norms.

However, setting financial conditions tied to relational behavior can inadvertently escalate conflict rather than promote reconciliation.

A balanced approach might involve open dialogue facilitated by a neutral party, such as a mediator or family therapist, to clarify expectations and foster respectful interaction without making financial support a weapon.

While the father’s desire for mutual respect is valid, experts recommend combining firm boundaries with empathetic communication to preserve relationships while protecting household integrity.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These users sided strongly with the father, saying the daughter’s disrespect and her mother’s manipulation justified withdrawing college funding

This group called the father the jerk, emphasizing that he weaponized money and blindsided his daughter right before tuition was due

These commenters criticized both parents for long-term dysfunction and blamed the father for manipulative tactics

This commenter shared a personal story about parental alienation

Family loyalty, it seems, doesn’t come with a receipt. The father may feel justified in withholding college funds, but emotional debts don’t pay off with ultimatums. In this story, everyone’s lost something, trust, love, or simply the chance to start over.

Do you think his ultimatum was fair, or did he sabotage any hope of rebuilding what’s left? Was this a boundary, or a punishment in disguise? Share your thoughts below; this one’s bound to keep the comment section buzzing.