Online dating is already a wild ride, but what happens when you switch up the rules? One Redditor decided to let the women make the first move, thinking it might lead to more creative, engaging conversations. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Instead of witty openers, he was greeted with a sea of simple “Hi’s” and “How are you’s.”
After six weeks of this, he was less than impressed. It turns out, women don’t always have the magic words to make online dating sparkle, either. Curious about what went wrong and why this happens? Dive in to see how this experiment unfolded and what it means for online dating expectations.
A man lets women start the conversation in online dating, only to be unimpressed by the lack of effort
Online dating often seems like a fresh start, but it can quickly feel repetitive and uninspired when conversations plateau.
In this scenario, OP decided to let the women take the first step, hoping to see how creative or engaging they would be. What he found was a mix of silence and generic greetings such as “Hi” or “How are you doing?” The result is a whole lot of matches, but very little substance.
Psychologically, this reflects a well‑documented phenomenon in digital dating. Research shows that dating app users frequently experience “burnout” when conversations become routine and low‑effort. For example, in Psychology Today, one article explains that 24% of users found “repetitive conversations” draining.
Another article outlines how choice overload and anonymity in app dating can lead to shallow interactions and diminished expectations. This suggests that OP’s experience isn’t just personal; it’s a by‑product of how many dating apps operate.
While OP awaited an elaborate opener, the reality was many matches were simply sticking a toe in the water, not ready to dive deep. The “take the lead” experiment revealed that even when women initiated contact, they often defaulted to the same safe pattern of “Hi” messages.
It’s not about lacking interest; it may be about low risk, minimal effort, and simple social scripts. OP’s unmet expectation, wanting to be impressed, clashed with what many matches were prepared to offer: minimal effort, minimal risk.
Therapist Duygu Balan explains in Psychology Today that when dating becomes “swiping your heart out,” it can lead to feeling disconnected and exhausted.
Her work highlights how digital platforms can drain enthusiasm when conversations stay superficial. In OP’s case, his desire for meaningful beginnings collided with the pattern of safe openings, making the experience feel flat and disappointing.
Ultimately, OP’s story reminds us that online dating success isn’t about who starts the conversation; it’s about how the conversation starts. If we hope to be impressed, we may need to impress first.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
This group expressed frustration with the games and unspoken expectations in online dating
These commenters criticized the lack of genuine communication
This group discussed how profiles and effort impact online dating success
These commenters acknowledged the imbalance in options
Do you think it’s a mismatch in expectations, or is it just that online dating tends to encourage surface-level interactions? Would you try a different approach or stick with the idea of letting them start the conversation? Let’s hear your thoughts!
