He Wanted His Ex Out Of Family Events, Mom Said No, And The Drama Exploded

After a messy divorce caused by infidelity, this mother thought she could still keep peace in the family.

Her son left his wife for a younger woman, but she remained close to her former daughter-in-law, the mother of her grandchildren and a woman she’d loved like her own child for two decades.

When her son got engaged to his affair partner and demanded she stop inviting his ex to family gatherings, she refused, insisting that the ex-wife was still family. Now, her son is angry, his fiancée feels disrespected, and she’s caught in the crossfire.

Is she being loyal to the wrong person, or simply standing up for what family truly means?

The OP’s decision stems from a long-standing and deep connection with their former daughter-in-law and grandchildren, juxtaposed against their son’s betrayal and remarriage dynamics.

From the OP’s vantage point, excluding the ex-wife from family gatherings would disrupt a vital relationship with the children and sever ties with someone who has acted like family for decades.

The son’s request, to stop inviting his ex, conflicts with the OP’s values of inclusivity and the grandchildren’s best interests.

On the flip side, the son’s position is understandable, his engagement to a new partner and his discomfort with his ex-wife’s presence at family functions create emotional tension.

There’s a legitimate question of his fiancée’s comfort and how family functions might affect the new relationship dynamic.

However, by refusing his request categorically, the OP is prioritising their past relationship with the ex-wife over their son’s expressed boundaries, potentially undermining his autonomy in his new situation.

After a divorce, extended-family relationships become tricky terrain. One article notes: “If you want these relationships to survive your split with their family member, it will take intention, good communication, and consideration.”

Another piece recommends that hosts of family gatherings post-divorce should “set clear boundaries” and plan with the well-being of everyone involved in mind.

These points indicate that while maintaining relationships with an ex’s family is possible, it requires care and mutual respect, especially when new partners and children are involved.

The OP’s situation touches exactly on these issues: loyalty to relationships built over time, children’s interests, new-partner feelings, and the challenge of balancing all.

Psychologist Joe Noble once said, “If you want to remain connected with your ex-partner’s family, name the elephant in the room: the big feelings of sadness, shock, disappointment, anger, uncertainty, confusion, grief.”

In this scenario, the OP may not have fully engaged with the son’s sense of betrayal and new boundaries; the quote invites recognising everyone’s emotional state and articulating expectations.

The OP is clearly emotionally invested, but the son’s new chapter also deserves acknowledgement.

The OP should consider initiating a calm conversation with her son (and possibly his fiancée) to clarify her desires and hear his concerns.

Rather than making blanket decisions, discuss how to involve the ex-wife (and grandchildren) in a way that honours the son’s new relationship and the grandchildren’s bond with all grandparents.

She could propose designating specific functions where the ex-wife is invited (say grandchildren-centric events) and others where the guest list is limited to the immediate new family.

This kind of compromise respects both the OP’s longstanding relationship with the ex-wife and the son’s expressed discomfort. It’s not necessarily about excluding someone forever, it’s about navigating changing family dynamics thoughtfully.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

These commenters agreed that the fiancée’s discomfort was her own doing.

These users praised OP’s compassion and maturity.

These Redditors were blunt about where the real blame lies.

These commenters supported OP’s stance with calm logic.

Wrapping up the thread, these commenters put it simply, actions have consequences.

This mother’s stance drew both applause and criticism online.

Many praised her loyalty to her former daughter-in-law, who continues to nurture strong family bonds despite the divorce. Others, however, argued that continuing to invite the ex-wife could prevent the son’s fiancée from feeling truly included.

Was the mother right to prioritize her grandkids and long-standing relationship over her son’s wishes, or did she cross a line into emotional favoritism? What would you do if family love and loyalty pulled you in opposite directions? Drop your thoughts below!