Moving on from betrayal does not always mean rebuilding every relationship that was destroyed by it.
Sometimes moving on simply means creating a new life without the people who caused the damage.
That is where one Redditor finds himself four years after learning that his brother and then-wife were secretly involved with each other.
He divorced his wife, cut off his brother, and made it clear that his parents were free to maintain their own relationship with him as long as they kept the two sides separate.
Now the poster is engaged again, but his parents insist his upcoming wedding should include the whole family and have threatened not to attend unless his brother receives an invitation.
Keep reading to see why the poster is starting to wonder whether their pressure is reason enough to distance himself from them too.
A groom reconsiders his relationship with his parents after they pressure him to invite the brother who betrayed him
Sometimes the deepest family wounds are not created by strangers, but by the people who were supposed to be safest.
The OP was betrayed by two people at once: his new wife and his own brother.
Four years later, his parents seem to be treating the passage of time and his upcoming marriage as evidence that the damage should now be considered finished.
But moving forward with life is not the same thing as restoring access to the people who caused the original harm.
Infidelity already creates a severe rupture in trust.
The Gottman Institute describes affairs as particularly destabilizing because betrayal can make the injured person feel as though the ground beneath the relationship has disappeared.
Repair is possible in some relationships, but it requires accountability, consistent trustworthy behavior, and a genuine willingness from the injured person to rebuild.
It cannot simply be declared complete by other family members.
That distinction matters here because the OP has not spent four years demanding that everyone else reject his brother.
He explicitly allowed his parents to maintain their own relationship with him.
His boundary was much narrower: he personally wanted no relationship with either betrayer.
His parents are now changing that arrangement by using their attendance at his wedding as leverage.
Family estrangement is also more common and complicated than the cultural idea that relatives should always reconcile suggests.
Developmental psychologist Lucy Blake, speaking with the American Psychological Association, explains that estrangement can arise from painful events in adulthood and that researchers still do not have a simple formula for when reunion is appropriate.
She specifically notes that sibling relationships can fracture over major family events and that estrangement often carries genuine feelings of loss and uncertainty.
The parents may genuinely believe they are trying to reunite their family.
Their mistake is assuming that “family unity” requires the OP to reopen a relationship he deliberately closed.
A wedding is particularly inappropriate territory for testing reconciliation.
It should not become an emotional hostage negotiation in which the groom must invite someone who betrayed him in order to earn his parents’ presence.
That does not mean the OP needs to cut his parents off immediately.
A clearer boundary would be useful first: his brother will not attend the wedding, future children will not automatically create an uncle relationship, and these subjects are not open to repeated negotiation.
Then the parents can choose what they do with that information.
If they stay home, that will understandably change how the OP views them.
Boundaries do not control other people’s decisions; they reveal which relationships can survive without one person surrendering their limits.
The important question is therefore not whether the OP has “moved on.” He clearly has.
It is whether his parents can accept that healing does not require reconciliation.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
These Redditors backed OP’s firm boundaries and urged him not to let his parents pressure him
These commenters encouraged OP to enjoy his wedding without allowing family conflict to ruin it
These users advised OP to let his parents decide whether to attend while maintaining his own boundaries
This isn’t really about whether he has “moved on.”
It’s about whether moving on requires reopening a relationship with two people who betrayed him in one of the deepest ways possible.
His parents are free to maintain a relationship with his brother, but using their wedding attendance as leverage crosses into manipulation.
He has already made his boundary clear, and his fiancée supports it. If his parents choose not to attend, that is their decision.
Do you think he should keep the door open with them afterward, or is this ultimatum enough reason to step back too?
