A Redditor recently shared a heartbreaking family saga that sounds like the plot of a tragic drama. For over a decade, he carried the crushing belief that his father’s suicide might somehow be his fault. Only as an adult did he learn the truth: his father had discovered his mother’s affair, an affair with the man who would later become her husband.
Now 21, the son says he cannot forgive, forget, or continue contact with the mother he once depended on. His story has struck a nerve, sparking debates about loyalty, betrayal, and whether cutting ties is an act of self-preservation or punishment. Want to know how this all unraveled? Let’s dive into the details.
One man’s world shattered when he learned his mom’s affair may have driven his dad to suicide, leading him to cut her out of his life entirely
OP grew up blaming himself for his father’s death until his paternal grandparents revealed the affair. The betrayal hit twice: once in learning the truth, and again in realizing his mother let him live with misplaced guilt. When confronted, she admitted it and collapsed into tears, but OP chose no contact, unable to reconcile her choices with the grief he carried for a decade.
Two Perspectives at Odds
- OP’s stance: The affair is unforgivable because it destroyed his father, fractured his family, and left him with lifelong emotional scars. By going no contact, OP reclaims power and sets boundaries.
- Mother’s stance: She insists she feels guilt, but her tears seem focused on being “caught” rather than accountable. Her attempt to justify that his father “was never supposed to find out” underscores a lack of responsibility for the ripple effects on her son.
Infidelity, secrecy, and mental health often collide in devastating ways. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy reports that up to 25% of married individuals admit to extramarital affairs, many of which unravel not just marriages, but family trust across generations. Combined with suicide, now the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S., the effects on surviving children are profound (CDC, 2023).
Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, who specializes in estrangement, notes: “Children often estrange themselves not only because of what a parent did, but because the parent refuses to acknowledge or repair the damage”. OP’s decision to sever ties is not about punishing his mother, it’s about protecting his mental health in the absence of meaningful repair.
For OP, staying no contact is valid. But healing doesn’t have to be binary. Therapy can help separate his father’s tragic choice from his mother’s betrayal, while still holding her accountable. If OP ever wants to reopen dialogue, it should only happen if his mother demonstrates real accountability, not just guilt.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
These users voted NTA, supporting his no-contact choice given his mom’s affair and its link to his dad’s suicide
This duo acknowledged the affair’s role but cautioned that suicide often stems from multiple factors
This user offered a nuanced ESH perspective, sympathizing with the son’s pain but questioning if cutting off a mom who was otherwise good to him might cost him more family
These commenters emphasized the grandparents’ error in letting him believe he caused his dad’s death
At the heart of this saga is a son who lost his father, his innocence, and eventually, his trust in his mother. While his father’s death cannot be undone, his choice to step away from a relationship built on lies may be the only way to protect himself.
So here’s the question: is cutting off family always cruel, or can it sometimes be the only way to heal? Would you forgive a parent in this situation, or close the door for good? Share your thoughts below.
