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Man Misses His Mother’s Funeral After Blocking Family Calls, Then Accuses Them Of Cruelty

by Layla Bui
November 9, 2025
in Social Issues

Losing a parent is devastating but losing a sibling in the process can shatter what’s left of a family. When one woman’s mother died unexpectedly, she tried to call her brother, only to be met with silence. His partner had recently declared a “no disturbance” rule, and the couple ignored every message for days.

By the time they learned the truth, the funeral had already passed. Now, they’re demanding apologies and a second chance at reconciliation, while the rest of the family wants nothing to do with them.

Was she cruel for not telling him sooner, or did his stubborn silence create this tragedy? Scroll down to read the full story and see why Reddit was torn between heartbreak and frustration.

A family’s frantic attempts to notify a brother of their mother’s sudden death fall on deaf ears during his no-contact vacation

Man Misses His Mother’s Funeral After Blocking Family Calls, Then Accuses Them Of Cruelty
not the actual photo

'AITA for not telling my brother about our mum's death because he didn't answer the phone?'

I (32f) have a brother, Max (34m) and 3 other siblings.

His partner Ann is obsessed with boundaries, but she never sets them until they've apparently been broken.

A big gripe was that mum called Max too much (2-3x per week).

Max never mentioned an issue to mum, but he let Ann attack her character hugely during one of her "calling out" sessions.

A few weeks later, before they went on a trip, he messaged the group chat (it was clearly written by her)

saying they didn't want to hear from us that week, and that we'd be blocked if we disturbed them.

It was a long and n__ty message clearly directed at mum.

She was upset but asked us to keep the peace because Ann was "intimidated" the last time we pushed back at her.

Two days after they left, mum died unexpectedly.

Dad called me at 8:30, and 45 mins later, I tried to call Max for the first time.

I then sent a text saying "Answer your phone. It's urgent." Then called again.

I sent 2 more messages and called 4 more times that day.

The next time I tried was the day before the funeral.

I sent him a text saying he must know it's serious and I need him to call me.

On the day, I called 6hrs before so he'd have time to come back, then again an hour before.

In total I called 16 times, my sister tried 7 times, and dad 3.

When they got back, he (she) sent an essay to the group chat about how we're bullies taunting them

and trying to ruin their relationship, and that we will never see either of them again.

My youngest brother (20m) responded, "Mum died on Sunday.

Consider your wish granted you evil c*nts." and booted him from the chat.

Max then rang me 22 times in a row. I sat and watched them all ring out.

We (siblings) headed straight to the house because we knew he'd turn up there.

My youngest brother (20m), who still lives at home, was by far the angriest about the situation so we didn't want to tempt fate.

They showed up furious. Nowhere near as furious as we were though.

The long story short is that none of us (except one sister, the reason I'm posting) have seen or spoken to him since.

Dad has made it clear he lost both his wife and his son that day.

My position is that it was obvious the situation was urgent,

that I/we made more than enough effort, and that the outcome is all on him.

This all happened in December, but dad recently cleared out Max's stuff

from the spare room and gave it to his bff to pass on.

Now Max is reaching out, wanting apologies for him and Ann, but ultimately to get back into the family.

One sister is in contact with him and is applying pressure to the rest of us.

She's started to become judgemental about not telling him,

but we have reminded her that she owns a phone and could have done so at any time.

I'm still very angry with him, and I'm leaning towards no longer inviting her to our weekly dinners (a big deal to us, especially now).

AITA for not telling him mum died, cutting him off, and considering doing the same to my sister?

Edit: It has become clear that only giving Max and Ann names was a mistake.

I appreciate it's confusing as there are 5 siblings in play.

Let's go for: Sarah (the wannabe peacemaker, f35), Max (34m), me (32f),

Laura (accused of incestuous feelings, 22f), and Clint (because C-word, 20m).

Also, thank you to everyone who has shared kind words. The support is truly appreciated.

Families fracture in complicated ways, and grief can harden every edge. In this case, a mother died while one sibling had explicitly shut off contact; repeated emergency calls and texts went unanswered.

The choice not to keep chasing wasn’t indifference so much as the inevitable outcome of a boundary that the absent sibling and partner had already enforced.

Researchers who study estrangement note that “boundaries” can either protect relationships or entrench distance depending on how they’re used.

Joshua Coleman, PhD, describes estrangement as a rising, multifactor process and emphasizes that reconciliation (when possible) usually starts with specific, good-faith behaviors rather than demands or blame.

Loss under unresolved conflict also alters grief.

The Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia highlights how bereavement in the context of strained relationships can produce persistent, complicated grief reactions, anger, guilt, and looping “what-ifs”, and underscores the need to validate the loss while addressing the relational injury.

Empirical work from the program’s clinicians documents how complications in grief are more likely when prior interpersonal stresses persist.

Repair, if it’s attempted at all, typically requires verifiable change. Relationship scientists such as Terri Orbuch, PhD (Oakland University/University of Michigan ISR), consistently find that trust is rebuilt through consistent, observable actions over time, not explanations alone.

That aligns with broader evidence on dyadic repair: reliability, respectful contact, and clear terms for future communication matter more than post-hoc justifications.

Given those realities, the siblings’ stance, maintaining distance until accountability and reliable communication are demonstrated, is psychologically and empirically defensible.

Compassion can coexist with boundaries; reconciliation, if it ever happens, will depend on sustained behavior that proves the old wall is coming down, not simply on apologies offered after the fact.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These Redditors expressed sympathy for the OP’s loss and firmly agreed that the brother and his wife were in the wrong for ignoring urgent calls

hotironskillet24 − I am so sorry about your mother. What a terrible time for you and your family.

You are NTA for ignoring your brother now. He doesn’t deserve any apologies, you do.

I would not disinvite your sister, but make it clear you don’t want any talk about your brother or she will be disinvited.

I easy the best for you and your family.

WebAcceptable7932 − NTA “it’s urgent” followed by numerous calls is an obvious sign something is wrong.

He should have called back to see what was up.  This was a phone call conversation not text information.

The only ones in the wrong are Max and Ann. Edit-Spelling

Level-Tangerine-8172 − NTA. You didn't "not tell him", you desperately tried to tell him.

It's not really the kind of thing that should be dropped in a text.

Your brother ignored what should have been very obvious signs that there was,

in fact, something very serious going on. And then they have the audacity to want apologies from you?

And your sister is on their side?

Nah, your sister can go have weekly family dinners with the brother

who doesn't even want to take phone calls if she's convinced he has a point.

It's honestly quite heartbreaking that your mom died and the last thing she heard from her son was basically

that he wanted to hear from her less. Your brother has no moral high ground.

Signal_Wall_8445 − NTA to me. Your brother and his wife obviously thought they were proving a point

by ignoring all of the contact you attempted that week.

They should be mortified that their stubbornness blew up in their faces instead of being first angry

and now being so psychotic they expect an apology.

In your shoes I would cut off my brother both to support my father and because it is obvious

it is never going to be a good relationship with who he chose to marry.

Your sister will determine whether she deserves your future attention by how she continues to act.

This group condemned the brother and his wife’s selfishness, urging OP to enforce boundaries and refuse reconciliation unless sincere remorse is shown

Alternative-Job-288 − NTA. I’m not sure if you should be ascribing all of the assholishness to the wife though,

as he appears to be perfectly happy with this strange dynamic. (Of course, not if it’s an abusive situation.)

He was terrible to your mother and all of you.

He ignored you all when you said it’s an emergency and don’t have a history of crying wolf.

And now he’s still demanding apologies for him and his wife? What the actual f__k???

Your sister who is “on his side”, so to speak, is on the verge of becoming an a__hole.

She’s allowed to forgive whatever she wants, but she’s not allowed to make that decision for anyone else.

Especially in light of the hypocrisy of her not even trying to get in touch with him at the time.

It’s time to implement a boundary of your own with this sister and see how that goes.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother.

CanAhJustSay − NTA. How could you possibly tell Max when he was blocking you deliberately?

[edit: not full blocking, but refusing to take calls, reply to texts etc] wanting apologies for him and Ann Nope.

Unbelievably selfish of them. They blocked you, wrote explicitly rude messages, and don't like the consequences.

Nothing can bring back a final moment with your mum,

but they should be prostrate before the family, and furious with themselves.

As for the sister, she can choose. Her actions can have consequences, too.

Max is showing no remorse over the harsh words. And for the rest of the family?

Grieve together, and curate all the happy memories of your mum.

LadySygerrik − Now Max is reaching out, wanting apologies for him and Ann, but ultimately to get back into the family.

Has he no shame at all? They should be begging YOUR forgiveness, not the other way around.

Having boundaries is one thing, but ignoring repeated phone calls

and “please pick up, it’s urgent” messages from family is plainly stating that you don’t care about them.

Max and Ann can enjoy their lovely family-free life together since they obviously don’t care about being part of yours. NTA

DubiousPeoplePleaser − “Dear, Max. You’re my brother and I’ll always love you.

Some day I’ll forgive you for all the pain you have caused, because I remember the man you used to be.

But I will never forgive Ann for the pain she caused mom on her final days, or how she has torn this family apart.

She will never be welcome back into my life.

I never want to see her, hear her or have her mentioned in my presence.

If you want that toxic mess in your life then that is your choice, but I will not be a part of your life with her

because I do not like the person you are when you’re with her. This is my boundary and it’s non negotiable. ” NTA

These commenters sympathized but offered nuanced advice

Scentsuelle − First off NTA and I am very sorry for your loss.

Second: I'm worried about your brother. Ann sounds like an abusive, controlling person.

If the gender roles were reversed, the red flag may have been more obvious earlier on.

I understand that boundaries are important and should be respected.

They do not, however, provide a free pass to be an a**hole.

You did everything you could in a terrible situation and she has the audacity to make it about her?

Nope. If your brother wants to look forward to a life where more and more things will be «transgressions», fine.

But Ann does not pass the vibe check.

Living-Highlight7777 − NTA - I probably would have eventually texted, "literally a death in the family, call ASAP,"

or something like that, because even though he's definitely a d__k and she's a GIGANTIC AH,

I'd still want to get the message across in time for the funeral somehow.

stiggley − NTA - you tried to tell him, he refused to listen.

When they got back they acted like entitled a**holes before knowing the situation and so made it worse.

They, Max and Ann, should be grovelling with apologies to everyone for how they acted.

Their "boundaries" and entitlement caused the situation.

This user simply offered condolences and emotional support

skinnypenis696942069 − That's awful, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You have every right to want to keep your brother at arms length (or completely out of your life) for as long as you see fit. 100% NTA

What would you have done in her place called one more time, or let silence answer for itself?

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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