Moving in together should feel exciting, but for OP it turned into a shock she never expected. As a lifelong book lover with shelves full of stories in four different languages, she thought her boyfriend understood how important her collection was, after all, the books were going in her office, where they bothered no one.
But that changed fast when he suddenly decided her non-English books were “useless” and didn’t belong in their home.
Things escalated even further when OP came back from coffee to find her shelves stripped and her books bagged up, ready for the dump. His “surprise” left her stunned, angry, and questioning everything.
With his family joining in to insult her, OP now wonders if she truly overreacted by protecting her books. Scroll down to see whether she was wrong for refusing to throw them away.
A woman comes home to find her boyfriend tried to throw out her non-English books, sparking a major fight
One painful truth: when a partner dismisses your passions or heritage, it can feel like erasure. In this case, OP’s book collection wasn’t just paper and ink, it was proof of her identity, her multilingual background, and years of personal growth.
When her boyfriend moved most of them out without permission, it wasn’t a simple disagreement about clutter. It became a breach of trust. That kind of disrespect shakes the foundation of what home and personal space should be.
The emotional core of this conflict lies in respect versus control. OP clearly told him she wasn’t getting rid of her books. She asked him to help but only if he respected her choices. Instead, he acted behind her back.
By dumping her books, involving his mother, and attempting to dispose of items that mattered to her, he bypassed any discussion and treated her belongings as though they belonged to him. That kind of unilateral decision-making often signals deeper control issues.
It helps to look at this through a broader lens, one grounded in psychology. Experts define controlling behavior as attempts to dominate another person’s actions, choices, or personal belongings.
According to a reliable mental-health resource derived from peer-reviewed findings, “controlling behaviors may take the form of pressuring a partner to conform to one’s expectations, even about everyday things like possessions or social interactions.”
Meanwhile, articles on relationship health describe a disturbing pattern: when someone disregards boundaries, attempts to regulate what a partner owns, and substitutes their own values for theirs, it often marks the beginning of an emotionally toxic dynamic.
Putting these insights together, OP’s reaction, locking her office door, refusing to let her books be disposed of, isn’t unreasonable. It isn’t about being stubborn. It’s about preserving her identity and her sense of safety.
Her boyfriend’s attempt to remove her belongings shows a disregard for her autonomy. It suggests he sees his preferences as having more weight than hers. That’s not a small disagreement; that’s a power imbalance.
If I were giving advice to someone in OP’s position, I’d say this: pay attention not only to the event (books thrown out) but to what it implies about how much your partner values you, your history, and your boundaries.
Respect and mutual regard are the backbone of a healthy relationship. If he can’t see your books as part of you or treats them as disposable, you might need to reassess whether this relationship supports you or undermines you.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
This group warns that the boyfriend’s behavior shows deep disrespect and control
These commenters urge OP to leave immediately due to huge red-flag behavior
This group emphasizes that a partner should respect hobbies and personal belongings
These Redditors call out the boyfriend’s insecurity and escalating controlling actions
But what do you think? Was this a relationship-ending red flag, or could this couple repair things with honest communication and boundaries? Would you stay with someone who tried to throw away something meaningful to you? Share your thoughts below!
