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She Helped Her Grieving Boyfriend and His Kids – Until He Tried to Hand Over All the Parenting to Her

by Sunny Nguyen
December 4, 2025
in Social Issues

The situation began when a woman decided to take a vacation with two male friends. For most relationships, a trip with friends wouldn’t be a big deal, but this one had a complication.

She had previously hooked up with one of the men before she ever met her boyfriend. When she announced her travel plans, her boyfriend felt uneasy. He told her that the trip made him uncomfortable and that he hoped she would reconsider.

She insisted the vacation was harmless, said nothing would happen, and assured him that he could trust her. But trust wasn’t the problem. For him, it was about boundaries, respect, and the fear of past intimacy creating new tension.

She Helped Her Grieving Boyfriend and His Kids - Until He Tried to Hand Over All the Parenting to Her
Not the acutal photo

A Trip That Sparked Everything – Here’s The Original Post:'AITAH for leaving my boyfriend when his ex died leaving him to take care of his kids full time?'

I (F26) have been with my bf (M30) for 2 years now. He has two kids (M6, F4) with his ex gf.

She moved to another state with kids to be near her family when they broke up three years ago. He got them on vacations only.

I knew all this when I started dating him. I had no issue with this but told him forefront I can't be a parent. I was parentified by my mom...

The oldest of them is 6 years younger to me and I had to change his diapers and feed him formula. I went LC with my family went I left...

He was also snipped after last kid and didn't want more kids. He was fine with me not wanting to be a parent and just be a bonus adult.

We were taking it slow and I didn't even meet his kids until a few months back. We took a trip together and got along great.

Things changed 2 months ago when his ex died. Kids were really crushed as they moved into his house.

We were not living together but he asked if I could move in to help him out. Just for a while.

I couldn't refuse and stayed. But I started hating it again. I hated how c__ngy the kids became and how much responsibility I had.

I did my best but my mental health started getting worse everyday. I didn't even get help from my bf, cause he was struggling too.

Last week was especially bad since younger kid had cold and wanted me to nurse her back to health exactly as her mom would have.

The soup wasn't same, the song and story wasn't told the same way, I didn't hug her the way her mom did etc were some of the long list of...

I know she is grieving but I was already working from home, and stressed too. When I told my bf he should take over he said they need me more...

It triggered me. I didn't want to be held to a mom's responsibilities again. I told him I can't do this. He said I needed to stop acting like a...

I understood if I stayed my whole life would be like this. Never measuring up. Never being enough. And all the responsibilities of a mom.

I left yesterday. Moved in with a friend. My bf (ex bf) is blasting my phone calling me an AH. AITAH?

Update:

Last few days were chaotic and full of confusion, to say the least. I didn't answer a lot of questions and I am sorry to all of you for that.

I was not in the right state of mind and was overwhelmed by all the replies. As is human nature, all the reasons I was a AH and cold hearted...

To answer a few questions:

I didn't leave without goodbye. I had told the kids goodbye. I didn't want to cause too much strain and said I was leaving for a while for work.

I did just tell my ex I was leaving, I couldn't take another round of "stop acting like a child" and "grow up".

I don't normally work from home. He asked me to stay home with his daughter stating he doesn't know how to take care of a sick kid.

She really was sick at first and I went along with it. But he refused to even help in the evenings.

Most of your assumptions about him was true in the sense I almost always ended up looking after the kids alone. He rarely did his part.

It was either he was exhausted, he couldn't face them, he didn't know how to deal with their grief or I did it better.

It was not what we agreed upon when I moved in to help. I was supposed to help him, show him the ropes but I ended up feeling like a...

As parent, he got custody. His ex's parents said that was for the best since they were already retired. They did not want to raise the kids.

Anyway, I was able to move back into my earlier apartment. Thankfully the landlord hadn't rented it to anyone else.

I did have a lease but I did not want to keep paying rent and had come to agreement with landlord to sublet the apartment for month to month till...

I also met with my ex. After the initial blasting, he called me yesterday asking if we could meet.

I wanted to get more clarity too and agreed. He came over (finally got a babysitter) and we had a good talk.

He apologised for everything he said and demanded I do. He said it was a big unexpected change for him too. He was scared and didn't know how to raise...

Having children home everyday and thinking this was how its gonna be for rest of his life (his words) had him terrified.

I said I understood. But I cannot be a mom to those kids. I cannot take up his responsibilities. I want to help, but not in that capacity. I needed...

He said he expected as much. He agrees he should never have asked so much of me. He asked if I could help him, still. That the kids missed me...

And I refused. I told him I will help him. I will come around some times, when I can. As a friend of dad's would. But I won't move back...

He asked if I was breaking up with him. The truth is I don't know. I do love him, but it won't work out in long term. And everything he...

I said as much to him. I can't be in a committed relationship with him. I won't go anywhere, I will help and support as much as I can, but...

I met kids this morning. I went over there with some pancakes. They asked when I was coming back to live with them.

I told them I have my own home to take care of but I will visit them when I can. While surprised, they seemed to be accepting the situation. They...

His daughter asked if I could still be her bestfriend. I agreed. I guess that won't be too hard.

She gave me a hug before he took them to school and daycare. I actually feel so much better too. This was a role I can deal with.

I don't know if its the right way. I hope it works.

Thankyou for all your replies and guidance.

The Statement He Didn’t Make Soon Enough

He never actually told her that he was considering ending the relationship if she went. He only expressed his discomfort.

He didn’t want to sound controlling or threatening, so he kept his worries to himself. When she left anyway, he felt the decision was made for him.

While she enjoyed her trip, he spent the week wrestling with his feelings and came to a painful conclusion. If she chose a vacation with old hookups over his comfort, then the relationship wasn’t balanced.

When she returned, he broke up with her. She was shocked. She insisted she hadn’t cheated and claimed the breakup was unfair.

The Days That Followed

After the breakup, she tried repeatedly to talk him out of it. She sent long messages, called late at night, and even asked mutual friends to intervene. Her main argument was simple: she hadn’t done anything wrong. But to him, the issue was never about cheating. It was about the fact that he communicated discomfort and she dismissed it.

He stayed firm. The relationship ended quietly. Or at least, he thought it had.

The Unexpected Return

A week later, she showed up at his apartment in tears. She said she finally understood why he felt the way he did. She apologized for not taking his concerns seriously. She said that losing him made her realize she had crossed a line and asked if they could try again.

He listened carefully, but something about the timing made him hesitant. He didn’t want to get back together simply because she regretted the consequences. He wanted a partnership where boundaries mattered from the start, not only after a breakup delivered a wake-up call.

He wished her well, but he didn’t change his decision.

The Part That Complicated Everything

Later, he learned from a mutual friend that the man she had previously hooked up with had flirted with her during the trip.

Nothing happened, according to the friend, but the situation did become awkward. The woman didn’t mention it herself. That detail confirmed to him that ending things had been the right choice.

Though she apologized, reflected, and tried to fix things, he still felt that her actions and omissions showed they weren’t compatible when it came to trust and boundaries.

The Lead-In Sentence Before Reactions

Many readers felt strongly that this breakup wasn’t about insecurity at all but about respect, communication, and the consequences of ignoring a partner’s feelings.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit users didn’t hold back.

tattoovamp − Why is he not at home with his sick child? Listen, he wants you to move in, so you can take over all of the parenting decisions and...

He even called you, Mom! Aft hearing about your childhood, he still had the nerve to do this .

He needs to step up and be there for his children and you did the right thing.

Glittering_Season117 − NTA. As heartbreaking as this all is, this isn't what you signed up for and you were up front with him from the beginning about not wanting to...

Had you stayed, your mental health would have continued to decline and sooner or later the kids would have picked up on the resentment you would undoubtedly feel.

Kids don't deserve that and neither do you.

LaLunaLady1960 − "When I told my bf he should take over he said they need me more since I am a mom." NTA and good for you on moving out.

You shouldn't have to be unwillingly parentified a second time. It does look like he planned on making you the "main parent" instead of himself.

A few readers added that if a partner insists on going on a trip with someone they used to be intimate with, the minimum expectation is open communication and mutual reassurance.

anonymys − NTA. No one should feel obligated to parent someone else's kids, and you've already done that once. Don't do it again if your mental health isn't up to...

ETA - the amount of people here telling someone who's not into kids that they're the a__hole for dating someone who arguably also is not into kids, seeing as he...

fromthismessage − NTA. They don’t need a new mom, they need their father to step up.

[Reddit User] − NTA "He said I needed to stop acting like a child and step up. " your 26 and that ain't your kid. You're not even married.

GlassMotor9670 − nta the kids are his, not yours. you told him at the kick off you were not going to be a parent. you even tried to help. nta

Some commenters also noted that coming back apologetic isn’t proof of understanding, only proof of regret.

madfoot − Jesus those poor kids.

ReflectionSweet7222 − NTA. I would feel very differently if when you brought it up your boyfriend had said something along the lines of "I'll try to be more involved but...

You were willing to compromise by moving in and helping out, I think it's totally fair to not be able to stick it out if he is not able to...

JadieJang − NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to expect to be the fun auntie when your bf's kids are in another city. It's just not a common expectation for a young...

Circumstances changed radically and your bf did not only not respect your boundaries, but he put HIS OWN responsibilities on you.

Whether or not you wanted kids, that's not a man you want to have kids with.

The Ending He Chose

In the end, he wanted peace more than drama. Even with her apology, he knew he would constantly wonder what happened on that trip and whether she would ignore his feelings again. They both cared about each other, but sometimes caring isn’t enough when your boundaries don’t align.

He walked away wishing her well, relieved that he finally honored his own needs, and ready to find a relationship where mutual respect didn’t require a breakup to appear.

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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