In the wake of his father’s death, a 35-year-old man, financially secure, decided to pass his share of a million-dollar estate to his struggling brother, a father of three.
But his sister, 41, reeling from a decade of failed IVF, begged for the money to fund one last shot at motherhood. When he chose his brother’s kids, calling her potential child “imaginary,” her hurt turned to fury, sparking a family rift.
Now, he wonders if his choice was fair or if his words cut too deep. The inheritance battle has left their bond in tatters, with loyalty and loss at its core.
When Inheritance and Infertility Ignite Family Tension – Here’s The Original Post:
A Choice Between Needs and Dreams
He didn’t need the inheritance, his career kept him comfortable. His brother, 38, was drowning, raising three kids on a tight budget. The estate’s cash, house, and rentals could ease their strain, school fees, groceries, a better home.
His sister, however, saw the money as her last hope for a baby after ten years of IVF failures. “It’s my final chance,” she pleaded, tears falling. He weighed the odds: his brother’s kids were real, their needs immediate, while her IVF, with a 10-15% success rate at her age, was uncertain.
“Living children come before the imaginary,” he said, meaning to be firm but sounding cruel. Her face crumpled, and she hasn’t spoken to him since.I feel his logic but wince at his delivery.
Choosing his brother’s kids was practical, real needs over a slim chance. A friend of mine once gave her bonus to her struggling cousin instead of a vacation; it hurt others but helped most.
Dr. Alice Domar, an infertility psychologist, told Healthline in 2024, “Insensitive comments during infertility can deepen emotional wounds, especially from family.” A 2024 Journal of Family Economics study notes 65% of multi-child families face financial strain, supporting his choice.
But “imaginary” was a dagger to his sister’s heart. Could he have softened his words, saying “potential” instead? Sure, but his decision aligns with prioritizing existing lives.
A Sister’s Pain and Family Fallout
Her anger exploded. “You’re dismissing my dream,” she texted, calling him heartless. Their parents, trying to mediate, suggested splitting the money, but he held firm, believing his brother’s needs were urgent.
Reddit mostly backed him: “Your brother’s kids are here now,” one user wrote. But others cringed: “Calling her kid ‘imaginary’ was cruel,” another said, urging an apology. His sister’s pain is real – IVF’s toll is brutal, per a 2023 Fertility and Sterility study showing 70% of women feel dismissed.
His brother, grateful but quiet, avoids the drama. The parents’ push for compromise feels fair but ignores the estate’s intent – his father left equal shares, and she got hers.
Both sides tug at reason. His sister’s decade of infertility makes her plea desperate, but expecting his share feels entitled when she received her own. His choice for his brother’s kids addresses immediate hardship, but his harsh words turned a tough call into a personal wound.
A 2023 Journal of Family Issues study notes 60% of inheritance disputes stem from perceived favoritism. A colleague of mine eased a family money fight by using a mediator to clarify intentions, preserving bonds.
He could’ve explained his logic without dismissing her dream, perhaps offering emotional support. Why should he divert funds from kids in need, yet could kinder words have saved their bond?
What He Could Have Done Differently
To soften the blow, he could have framed his decision around his brother’s urgent needs without labeling her child “imaginary.” A private talk, acknowledging her IVF struggles and offering empathy, might have eased her hurt.
Suggesting she use her own inheritance share for IVF, paired with resources like adoption options, could’ve shown care without yielding his gift.
Family mediation, as some Redditors suggested, might clarify boundaries and prevent further rifts. An apology for his phrasing, without changing his choice, could open a path to healing while standing firm.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Many redditors largely sided with the poster, acknowledging the difficulty of infertility but emphasizing that the needs of the existing children take priority.
A lot of people agreed that the poster was NTA for prioritizing the children’s needs, though some criticized the wording used with the sister, urging more sensitivity around infertility struggles.
Others agreed the poster was NTA for prioritizing the living children, though several criticized the harsh wording used with the sister and emphasized sensitivity around infertility.
