Wife Tells Husband He’s Just Like His Father After He Starts Treating Their Twins Differently

A mother of four took to Reddit after a heartbreaking moment pushed her to the edge. Her youngest son asked if his dad “wanted him to disappear.” The boy was talking about his own father, who had grown increasingly cold and angry toward his twin sons while remaining affectionate toward their older siblings.

Fed up, the woman confronted her husband in a fury, calling him out for his cruelty and, in a moment of rage, comparing him to the one man he vowed never to emulate, his abusive father.

The accusation hit hard. He stormed out, leaving behind a devastated family and a wife wondering if the truth she spoke went too far.

A woman, exhausted by her husband’s growing resentment toward their five-year-old twins, snapped when her son voiced a fear no child should express

Family resemblance can sometimes be more emotional than genetic.

In this case, the Original Poster (OP) confronted her husband after noticing a disturbing pattern: while he’s affectionate with their two older children, he constantly yells at their five-year-old twins, sometimes for trivial things like looking alike.

The breaking point came when one of the twins asked, “Why does Dad hate me?” In rage, the OP accused her husband of being “just like his father,” a man he despises for being neglectful and cruel. He stormed out, leaving a household fractured by pain and silence.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, unresolved childhood trauma often resurfaces when people become parents.

“When you haven’t healed from how you were raised, you may unconsciously re-create similar dynamics with your own kids,” she told Verywell Mind.

The husband’s behavior may not stem from malice but from unprocessed wounds related to his father’s absence. In a cruel twist, the fear of repeating the past can make a person act it out instead.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes that being compared to an abuser, especially a parent, triggers deep shame. “When people are confronted with their own resemblance to someone they reject, shame often turns into anger or flight,” she explained in Psychology Today.

That reaction may explain why the husband fled instead of discussing the issue.

Still, the OP’s choice of words, though honest, may have closed the door to productive dialogue.

Research from the Gottman Institute shows that personal attacks or contempt are among the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown. Telling someone they’ve become their worst fear rarely encourages introspection; it provokes defensiveness.

Experts suggest shifting from accusation to observation: “The way you’re treating the twins reminds me of what you hated about your dad.” This reframing keeps the focus on behavior, not identity.

Family counseling could help uncover the roots of his resentment and teach both parents strategies to nurture emotional balance at home.

Here are the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters said OP was not the jerk and emphasized protecting the twins from emotional abuse

These users said everyone shared blame: the husband for abuse, the OP for delaying action or using an unproductive confrontation

The woman’s words were harsh, but maybe they were the jolt her husband needed to face the mirror he’s avoided all his life. Still, love alone won’t fix what trauma breaks, only accountability and therapy will.

So, what do you think? Was comparing him to his father an unforgivable blow, or the painful truth he needed to hear before the damage became permanent? Would you have confronted him differently or said the exact same thing? Share your thoughts below.