Ex-MIL Forced a Trans Teen Into a Suit – Then Cut Her Hair Without Consent

When co parenting already requires careful balance, moments like this can shatter whatever trust remains.

A mother recently shared a deeply upsetting experience involving her transgender daughter, her ex husband, and her former mother in law. The story quickly drew intense reactions online, not only because of the cruelty involved, but because it touches on autonomy, identity, and the emotional safety of transgender teens.

The mother has primary custody of her two children, a 16 year old transgender daughter and a 14 year old son. Her ex husband sees them every other weekend. While the mother accepted her daughter’s transition with love and support, her ex was raised in an extremely conservative and religious household and has struggled to fully accept who his daughter is.

For this teen, femininity is not a phase or an experiment. She loves traditionally feminine clothing, enjoys bonding time with her mom through shopping and nail days, and has been growing her hair for months. That hair was more than appearance. It was part of her identity.

Unfortunately, it was also something her former grandmother had been fixated on for years.

A Photo Tradition That Never Let Go

The ex mother in law had long been obsessed with recreating a family photo tradition. On each generation’s 16th birthday, a teenage boy wore a suit and posed with his father or grandfather in a formal portrait.

Years ago, when the mother was still pregnant and doctors believed the baby would be male, the ex mother in law was thrilled at the idea of continuing the tradition. But life changed. That child grew up and came out as a transgender girl.

The mother assumed the tradition would be quietly dropped or postponed until their younger son turned 16. Nothing was mentioned when her daughter’s birthday passed. Or so she thought.

What Happened That Weekend

One weekend, the younger son stayed home sick with the flu. The mother dropped her daughter off at her father’s house as usual and made sure she had money and a way home if needed.

The next afternoon, her daughter arrived home unexpectedly. She was shaken. And her long hair was gone.

Her daughter explained that she had come downstairs that morning to find her father and grandmother waiting. She was told they were taking a Christmas photo and was handed a suit. She said she was uncomfortable. Her grandmother insisted. Her father backed her up.

Then the scissors came out.

When her daughter refused a haircut, her father suggested tying her hair back as a compromise. The photo was taken. At some point afterward, while her daughter’s back was turned, the grandmother cut off the entire ponytail.

The teen immediately left, took the train home, and refused to stay another minute in that house.

Why This Cut So Deep

For many transgender people, hair carries deep emotional weight. According to a 2022 Trevor Project survey, more than 60 percent of transgender youth report feeling distress when forced to suppress their gender expression.

Another study published in Pediatrics found that affirming a trans teen’s identity significantly lowers rates of depression and suicidal ideation.

Hair is not just cosmetic. It is symbolic. It is visibility. It is control over one’s own body.

Dr. Laura Erickson-Schroth, a psychiatrist specializing in transgender mental health, has stated that denying gender expression can cause long term psychological harm, especially during adolescence, when identity formation is most vulnerable.

Forcibly cutting someone’s hair without consent is also widely considered a form of physical violation. Legal experts often note that non consensual hair cutting can meet the definition of assault in many jurisdictions because it involves unwanted physical contact and bodily interference.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Thousands of Reddit users expressed anger and disbelief. Many emphasized that the daughter showed remarkable maturity by removing herself from the situation instead of escalating it.

Several commenters pointed out that judges often give strong weight to a teenager’s wishes in custody cases, especially when safety and emotional harm are involved.

Others stressed that the grandmother’s actions were not just cruel but potentially criminal.

 

 

What Happens Next

The mother is now speaking with a lawyer to renegotiate custody. The original agreement was created when the children were much younger and did not account for situations like this.

Legal experts generally agree that courts prioritize the well being of the child, and forced gender suppression is increasingly recognized as emotional harm.

In the meantime, the mother helped even out her daughter’s hair and reassured her that she is still herself, still valid, and still loved.

And that may be the most important part.

A Bigger Conversation

This story reflects a broader issue faced by many transgender teens. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, trans youth who receive family support are significantly more likely to experience positive mental health outcomes.

Those who face rejection or coercion are at much higher risk for anxiety, depression, and self harm.

Respecting a child’s identity is not about politics or tradition. It is about dignity.

And dignity should never be negotiable.