Parenthood brings joy, exhaustion, and a steady stream of advice you didn’t ask for. For new parents, even a well-meaning comment can sound like criticism, especially when it comes from family.
After one mother-in-law referred to her newborn grandchild as “my baby” and warned against letting the infant nap on her parents, the tension rose fast.
The new mom’s response turned a simple phone call into a full-blown misunderstanding.
This story may appear minor at first glance, but beneath the surface, it’s a rich collision of new-parent nerves, grandparent expectations, and boundary warfare.
The OP, days into motherhood, wound up in a phone exchange with her mother-in-law (MIL) over a comment about the baby napping on the father.
The MIL casually said: “Don’t build bad habits with my baby.” The OP responded: “Actually, no, you can’t! It’s science!” and the relationship soured from there.
Here’s the crux: The OP and her husband let their newborn nap on dad, they’re happy with that. The MIL intervenes, suggesting the parents are “building habits.”
The OP, feeling both protective of her decisions and under-cut by an insinuation, snaps back, and the MIL says she feels shut out of the baby’s life.
On one side, new parents defending their choices and asserting autonomy. On the other, a grandparent craving inclusion, feeling disregarded and dismissed. Motivations clash, control versus respect, experience versus evidence, helpfulness versus intrusion.
This taps into a broader social issue of how the arrival of a baby inevitably triggers role-shifts, unsolicited advice, and boundary testing. According to Parents magazine, “setting boundaries for a newborn with extended family is essential for a new parent’s peace of mind.”
Studies show that when grandparents overstep, new parents experience higher stress and feel less autonomous. The dynamic of power, love and expectation is never simple.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Gottman writes: “In times like these, it is essential to set healthy boundaries so that your relationship with your parents (and their relationship with your child) can continue to endure.”
In the OP’s situation, that’s exactly what’s at stake: the OP is doing boundary-setting in real time, albeit with some heat, to preserve both her role as a parent and her relationship with her MIL.
The OP and her husband should schedule a calm conversation with the MIL, acknowledge her eagerness to help, express gratitude for her support, then clearly state their parenting values and preferences.
They might say, “We appreciate your experience and will ask when we need advice; for now we’re trying this approach.”
The OP could soften her tone with the MIL, then follow through by inviting her into a defined role (e.g., “We’d love for you to come over and cuddle the baby at this time every week”).
Creating collaborative routines helps shift the dynamic from conflict to inclusion.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
These commenters applauded the OP’s calm, science-backed response.
This group, made up mostly of parents and grandparents, celebrated the OP for being firm yet respectful.
These Redditors encouraged the OP to embrace honesty over harmony.
This commenter lightened the thread with humor.
These users roasted the MIL’s overreach, saying the OP needed to shut down the “my baby” talk immediately.
Wrapping things up, these users praised the OP’s tone, gentle yet assertive.
This clash between generations struck a familiar nerve for many new parents online. The Redditor’s reaction felt like a mix of postpartum exhaustion and boundary-setting colliding with a mother-in-law’s need to feel valued.
Do you think she crossed the line by snapping back, or was it the wake-up call her MIL needed? Share your perspective, this story perfectly captures that delicate dance between love and control.
