“I Am Right”: FIL Explodes When Confronted About Creepy Behaviors

A family dinner took a deeply uncomfortable turn.

A woman (OP) and her husband watched her father-in-law pull over a young waitress (who wasn’t even their server) to whisper “compliments” in her ear. When they tried to address it in private later, the FIL launched into a furious, misogynistic tirade that left them stunned.

Now, read the full, cringe-worthy story:

My skin is crawling. That feeling of secondhand embarrassment when someone in your group does something awful to a service worker is bad enough. But the FIL’s reaction… that’s not just “old-fashioned.” That’s a full-blown narcissistic explosion.

He didn’t just get defensive. He went on the attack, dragging incels, gay rights, and the OP’s own teen trauma into it to avoid a single ounce of accountability. This is chilling.

He proved, in that one rant, that his “compliment” was never about her. It was about him and his perceived right to “notice” and “pull” women, regardless of the context.

This story is a perfect, painful example of a massive power imbalance. The FIL knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t do this to a CEO or a police officer. He did it to a young woman, a Black woman, who could not tell him to get lost because, as the OP rightly said, “she works for tips!”

This is far from a harmless “compliment.” It’s a daily, exhausting reality for service workers. A 2021 report from One Fair Wage, “Tipped Over the Edge,” found that a staggering 76% of female restaurant workers reported being harassed or stalked by customers.

The FIL wasn’t “making her day”; he was likely being the 10th guy that shift to make her feel small, objectified, and unsafe.

His defense that he was just “overcome with her beauty” is a classic example of what psychologists call “benevolent sexism.” It’s sexism dressed up as a compliment.

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, writing for Psychology Today, explains that benevolent sexism frames women as “pure creatures who should be protected, cherished, and put on a pedestal.”

While that sounds “nice,” Dr. Whitbourne notes it’s just as harmful as hostile sexism because it “reinforces the idea that women are weak” and only valued for their beauty, not their competence.

The FIL’s rant proves this. He told the OP she should have enjoyed being harassed as a teen. He doesn’t see women as people. He sees them as objects for male “attention.”

His rage wasn’t about a compliment. It was about his perceived right to exert power over a captive audience being questioned.

Check out how the community responded:

Redditors were united: The OP was not the [bad guy], but the FIL was a massive creep. His unhinged, misogynistic rant just proved her point.

Others, including a 20-year-old waitress, confirmed this isn’t “flirting,” it’s harassment. They are sick of it, and it’s almost always from older men.

A few users pointed out that the FIL’s extreme, defensive reaction (“I am right. I’ve never been more right.”) is a huge red flag and that the OP’s son doesn’t need to be around that.

One “old lady” shared a harrowing, powerful account of a lifetime of harassment and predatory men, confirming the OP’s fears and validating her decision to speak up.

One user asked a very relevant question.

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

The OP and her husband actually did everything right. They didn’t make a scene at the restaurant. They waited, brought it up in private, and used “I” statements (“I felt,” “I hated it when…”). This is the textbook way to “call someone in.”

The FIL’s reaction, however, shows that he is not a person who can be “called in.” He is not open to reflection. His rage, his deflection (“you’re the reason for incels”), and his pathological self-aggrandizing (“I’m the best person you’ll ever meet”) are signs of a person completely incapable of accountability.

At this point, the OP’s duty is no longer to her FIL’s feelings, but to her 5-year-old son. She needs to have a firm conversation with her husband: “Your father’s views are toxic. We will not allow him to speak like this in front of our son.”

They must be a united front, prepared to set hard boundaries. This might mean limiting contact or being prepared to leave the moment he starts another rant.

The OP and her husband were not the [bad guys]. They tried to gently correct an inappropriate behavior. In return, they got a terrifying window into the FIL’s dark, misogynistic, and narcissistic worldview.

What do you think? Was the FIL’s rant a sign of dementia, or just his true colors shining through? And how do you handle a family member who is this aggressively, proudly wrong?